Well I’ll be hornswoggled—I won a fiction contest!
Yeah, yeah, I was the only entry. But still!
The story is called “Te Absolvo,” which is Latin (or something) for “I forgive.” It’s my take on a famous historical personage, whose identity you’ll probably guess easily. I hope you enjoy it. You can read it here at The Soap Boxers blog.
While you’re there, knock around a bit. Read Kosmo and some of the other writers at the site. That ought to keep you out of trouble for a while, heh heh.
I love: genre.
Some people think genre writing, aka category fiction, isn’t serious writing. I say, ask Stephen King about his bank account. Serious enough for ya? HA!
For a refresher on genre, you can read my post here if you want. I would like to point out that all the stories we tell over and over, our favorite yarns, all fit into some genre or other.
My favorite genres, in no particular order, and why I like them:
Horror
I’ve been a horror fan for years. Stephen King, Algernon Blackwood, H.P. Lovecraft, Edgar Allen Poe, Dean Koontz, Skipp and Spector and more recently, Brian Keene (hi Brian!). Hmm, no women. I’ve read Suzy McKee Charnas and sampled Lisa Tuttle and Melanie Tem, but I’m sure there are more. Time to dig out my anthologies and start googling.
Why I like it
I don’t know. I like being scared, but it’s been so long since anything actually did the job that I’ve grown weary. The core element of a really good horror novel is still a great story, and I don’t mean the monster. I mean characters you really care about, who are doing things in a way you can relate to. My favorites all have this quality. A five-shelf bookcase holds my collection.
Good ones
Dracula (1897)-Bram Stoker: Has never gone out of print. An epistolary novel that hits the ground running and doesn’t quit. Quite lurid for the Victorian age.
The Exorcist (1971)-William Peter Blatty. Yes, it was a book first. Blatty’s writing has been criticized, but it actually fits the story quite well. I reread it every year or so and enjoy it more each time.
Anything by Robert Bloch, John Wyndham, and fun stuff by Bentley Little.
The Shining (1977)-Stephen King. The ultimate haunted house book. Wendy in the novel is smart and articulate. I don’t know what happened to her in the Kubrick film. I like Shelley Duvall, but damn.
This is the REAL Overlook: the Stanley Hotel in Estes Park, CO.
Image: Tom Lianza/Wikimedia Commons
Kids’ books
I LOVE children’s and young adult fiction. I have another, entire bookshelf devoted to it. Most of the books I picked up at library sales, quite a few of them are mine from my own childhood, and some are treasures I read long ago and searched for extensively. They range from baby picture books through many of the Trixie Belden series and stop just short of adulthood.
Why I like it
Let’s get one thing straight. Loving this genre does NOT mean I can write it. Nor would I even try. Kid’s fiction is hard. But oh, when it’s well done, it’s magic. Good writing, great characters and some of the funniest and most heartrending tales ever told.
Good ones
The Harry Potter series (1997-2007)-J. K. Rowling. You knew I couldn’t leave this one out, didn’t you?
King of the Wind (1949)-Marguerite Henry. Based on the true story of the Godolphin Arabian, an emotional and thrilling story of a boy and his horse.
Black Beauty (1877)-Anna Sewell. No, I wasn’t one of those horse kids, but I loved this one because the horse tells the story. Beautiful language.
Beverly Cleary’s Ramona series (1968-1999). A funny, realistic portrayal of family life through the eyes of a spirited little girl.
Apples Every Day (1966)-Grace Richardson. This is one I had to hunt for. My childhood library had it. It’s about these kids at a progressive boarding school in Canada. I would have LOVED going to a school like this.
“Why yes, I’ve moved on to Anna Karenina. Get that Dr. Seuss outa here.”
Image: Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Thrillers
There are a ton of subgenres in this category (see this article from Reader’s Digest), but thrillers usually involve some type of intrigue and heroic main characters. Techno-thrillers make use of futuristic technology to either levy a direct threat against the protagonists or a set of hapless victims. This is real edge-of-your-seat type stuff. The only thing I hate about thrillers? No boinking. Come on!
Good ones
Deception Point (2001)-Dan Brown. Say what you will about Brown and his irritating habit of foreshadowing at the end of a chapter. This is my favorite of his books. An Arctic meteor holds a clue to possible extraterrestrial life, but some will stop at nothing to hide the secret. Lots of action, conspiracy and cool science-y stuff.
First Blood (1972)-David Morrell. Yes, it’s Rambo. Read it. That is all.
Red Dragon (1981)-Thomas Harris. A lot of people would choose The Silence of the Lambs and yes, that is a brilliant book. But this one is not only my favorite Harris, but one of my all time fave novels ever. The writing is terse and descriptive, the characters unforgettable.
Jurassic Park (1990)-Michael Crichton. Best techno-thriller of all time. God, I miss Crichton. This book scared the crap out of me, way before they made a film. Damn T-rex gave me a nightmare.
HOLY MOTHER OF G—oh, it’s fake. Whew!
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I hate:
Why should I have all the fun? You pick the hate part today! In the comments, tell us the absolute worst genre novel you ever read. What was it? Who wrote it (if you can remember)? What made it so awful?
I love: Antagonists.
Commonly known as villains, antagonists are experts at getting in the hero’s way. They’re much more interesting than protagonists. Through antagonists, a writer can live out his/her evil side. Planning and plotting Anty’s nefarious schemes is the best part.
What makes a great antagonist?
First, he has to have motivation. Just being evil isn’t enough. We all know at least one psychopath, and some of the things they do may seem random. There is always something behind it, however.
Maybe you shouldn’t have laughed at his unfortunate fashion choices.
Image: Boaz Yiftach / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
The best antagonists have a reason for what they do. It could be as broad as Dr. Doom’s thirst for world domination, or as simple as the penmanship medal dear little Rhoda so desperately wants.
And Anty must believe, with all his twisted, rotten heart, that his actions are necessary. This lends depth to the character. It gives him conviction. People are complicated and Anty should be no exception. If he doesn’t care, neither will the reader.
Second, the reasons have to make sense. Rhoda, a child, would hardly dream of controlling the world. Nor would an adult Joker be happy merely pushing a kid off a wharf to get a class prize he failed to achieve.
Well, he might. You never know with Joker.
Finally, Anty should be capable of carrying out his plans. Mason Verger in Thomas Harris’ Hannibal is completely paralyzed, but he still manages to orchestrate a plot to kidnap and kill Hannibal Lecter that takes place across two continents. How? He’s insanely rich and can hire people to do all the work for him. If he were flat broke in a state hospital in Sheboygan, I doubt he’d have the resources.
I wish you could read Rose’s Hostage. I would so like you to meet Dale Conroy. I know it’s time to move on to the next villain, but he’s so awful you just love to hate him.
I plan to try some small presses. Maybe I can get on with one of them. If not, maybe I’ll just make a damn e-book and sell it here already. I’m already having fun with my next antagonist. Who? Sorry, if I told you I’d have to kill you. Heh heh heh.
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I hate: Adjectives.
I don’t actually hate them; what I hate is lazy writing that makes use of them rather than taking time to make better word choices. Especially when they come in strings. And I tend to do this in first drafts, although luckily I can take them out later. But this is harrrrrrrrrdd.
Example:
Joker’s skintight purple gloves touched her hot, feverish, rosy cheek, where the glistening moisture of salty, frightened tears still lingered.
Um…..
How about this?
His glove touched her feverish cheek, which glistened with frightened tears.
We already know Joker wears purple gloves. Hot and rosy aren’t needed, because we know feverish cheeks are hot and rosy. Ditto with salty. Frightened may or may not stay, depending on the point of view and what happened right before.
Or this:
His glove traced the path of frightened tears down one feverish cheek.
I like that one much better. You need a few adjectives to describe things, but don’t depend on them too much.
I’ve started a new blog on WordPress.com, where all my work-related posts can live in harmony with their corporate bedfellows in the blogosphere. It’s called Clerical Chick.
I’ve started it off by moving three previously published and re-edited work posts over there. I’m sorry if you made a comment on any of them here; if so, it was lost when I moved the post. Don’t feel obligated to reread them, but if you want to I’m fine with that.
I’ll try to update it (and this one) more often, now that I’m home all day. You can only watch so much daytime TV.
Nickelodeon. It's the new crack.
I was reminded last night to put all my stuff outside on the driveway by 8:30 am. Noon rolled around and no truck. I called and was told it was out on the route, it would be there, don’t worry. I was worried. It was supposed to rain and it took me a half hour this morning to move it all out.
4:45 pm. No truck. Called again, and discovered I wasn’t on the route sheet and hadn’t even called the right organization! But the guy dragged the truck out and showed up right before it started raining. Yay!
I hope they sell the stuff and it helps someone out. You can look around your community for similar organizations that help those in need. Donate some decent stuff, give money or just volunteer.
Time to stalk dinner. Check the new blog out if you get a chance. If you have any suggestions for work-related topics or questions I can answer, leave a comment over there. Thanks for keeping me on your blogroll!
With the exception of a few PC titles such as the Myst series, an old Cyberflix title Titanic: Adventure Out of Time (I LOVE this game) and Angry Birds, I haven’t played many RPG or puzzle games. It’s a nerd weekend, however, since Egon and I are attending VisionCon (see my post Geek Heaven). We also checked out a really cool ‘80s-style arcade downtown in my city. Ah, Pole Position.
Egon has a nefarious plot to turn me into a gamer. He loaned me a superfluous PS2 and is making me play my way through Final Fantasy X. In a clumsy, excruciatingly slow manner, I’m actually enjoying it, except for one thing.
For a newbie, this crap is DIFFICULT.
The controller is evil.
During my first stint in college, I spent hours at the mall arcade. Ms. Pac Man, TRON, Centipede, Galaga, and Tempest were my favorites. All these games have only a joystick and maybe one trigger button. Playing Myst on my computer required only the arrow keys and the mouse. Easy!
The PS2 controller is a freaking nightmare. There are buttons. The buttons don’t go the way you would think.
Worst of all, each game has different controls. L1 for this, X or O for that. I spent hours getting yelled at by the King of All Cosmos in Katamari Damacy just to get the hang of moving the little Prince around.
It even LOOKS evil. Like something Darth Vader would have.
Photographs by Elizabeth West
An unfamiliar strategy is required.
One of my biggest challenges in Final Fantasy X is figuring out HOW to fight monsters. I can’t just indiscriminately shoot. I have to target each monster’s weakness with each character’s strengths, without getting everybody killed in the process.
A perpetual goof is forgetting to scroll to Black Magic when it’s sorcerer Lulu’s turn, and hitting Attack instead. You can’t fight Ochu with Moogles! They don’t do anything!
Okay, ignore Lulu's enormous boobs. See the little stuffed animal she's holding? That's a Moogle.....you're still staring at her boobs, aren't you?
Too many things on the screen
Myst, Riven and Exile have nothing but scenery. You walk around and touch everything, following your instincts (or if you’re impatient like me, the hint chapters in the strategy guide). The only things to read are journals and letters scattered around.
FFX and other games have status bars everywhere. I can’t read all that stuff at once. That’s why I don’t read comics; I have to stop and look at every panel twice in order to get it all. It’s annoying.
I’m not good with numbers either. Don’t make me do math or I’ll run away crying.
Too scary
It's only a game...it's only a game...it's only a---GAAAHH!!!
It’s not all bad. I love watching Egon whip through Portal 2 and I really do like playing. If I had more time, I daresay I’d get the hang of it.
Below find some of the games I’ve finished / sampled / want to play:
Flower – sooo pretty. Relaxing ambient music, and a cool interface that allows you to swoop and soar as the wind spirit. When you touch all the flowers you’re rewarded with a buzz from the PS3 controller.
Final Fantasy XIII – I rode the chocobo. Whee!
Limbo – very creepy. Arachnophobes beware.
God of War III – Egon let me fight some skeletons. I think I would like this one.
The Hitman series – I have them, but haven’t played yet. Love Jesper Kyd‘s music.
Some of the Harry Potter games (not the LEGO ones) – I bought them used. I think they’re simple enough they won’t drive me crazy.
I think I’m getting into the groove. Lucky for me, I don’t have a job now so in between filling out online applications and getting some writing done, perhaps I can play more. What the heck, I’ll work later. Hand me that controller….
If you’ve been reading any of my older posts and noticed there are pictures missing, it’s because I had an issue with my gallery. Somehow I clicked the wrong thing and deleted most of them. I’m slowly but surely putting them back and replacing ones I probably shouldn’t have linked to in the first place.
It’s a learning process; I sure don’t want to step on someone else’s work, but it’s hard to find things to illustrate what I want to say when there’s not much here to take pictures of. I’ve been carrying my camera around and never seem to see anything unless I’m in traffic.
So bear with me while the blog is under renovation. In the meantime, please enjoy this video of Teddy Bear the Porcupine predicting the outcome of Super Bowl 46, February 5 2012!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QY1MDECQE5w
Well it happened. Today I lost my day job.
I wasn’t the only one, unfortunately; the manufacturer I worked for is restructuring. There’s no telling who else will fall under the ax. Even though I was kind of unhappy there and thought they might have cut my hours or something, I didn’t expect them to do it so soon.
I did some things right today. And there are some things I know I have to do in the coming weeks.
#5–Mourn
I liked the job when I first took it. Later it morphed into a bloated, evil, decaying version of itself. No, I won’t be sorry to sleep in tomorrow morning. But there are definitely things I will miss.
I have to have a (short) period of sorrow for the fact that in a shithole economy, I actually had a job.
Image: artemisphoto / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
#4–File for unemployment
After going to the bank to deposit my last check, I came home and filed for unemployment immediately. Government moves so slow that if you wait, you’ll find yourself with a gap that’s hard to fill. I already had a garage sale that didn’t do very well. Which leads me to:
#3–Start going through the house for stuff to sell
Some of the nice things I bought may have to go. L I tried to sell some in the garage sale but I guess no one else has any money either. Well, try, try again. Or scope a different venue. Not only do I need the money, but if I have to relocate, it’s less crap to move.
You can own chickens in my city now. Maybe I can sell eggs!
Photograph by Elizabeth West
#2–Eliminate all unneeded expenses
There are some things that are necessary that years ago would have been considered luxuries. Besides food, clothing and shelter, today’s job seekers must have these:
Things that I do not need:
But…MAWWWMMM….I waaant it!
Image: Suat Eman / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
#1–Look to the future, not the past
I no longer have to worry about their silly crap anymore. All the stuff that got left on my desk is no longer my problem. Now my tennis elbow can heal. Now my knotty stomach can calm down again. Now I can work on my book and seek more writing opportunities, without being so tired when I come home that I fall asleep over my chat room.
Like the song says, I will survive!
I have a short post today, because I already wrote one. It doesn’t appear here, however.
I’ve published my first guest post, over at bloggish and diverse web magazine The Soap Boxers! Thanks, Kosmo, for asking me to submit. Kosmo is an interesting guy. We met in the comments on The Consumerist, a blog about consumer issues that’s owned by Consumer Reports. .
Click on the link below, to see it in all its political rantyness. While you’re over there, knock around a little. Lots of articles to see about lots of things. :)
I’m back to the normal blog this evening. I started early yesterday and ended early tonight because I have to work in the morning, but I’m very glad I had the chance to participate in the protest.
I emailed my congresscritters this morning. One of them has joined the opposition. YEAAAAH!!! I don’t hate you quite so much this afternoon, Mr. Roy Blunt! Now quit robocalling me!
The SOPA / PIPA blackout protest did a great job of raising awareness of the restrictive, bat-ass crazy legislation today. Reports are coming in that increasing numbers of senators have reversed themselves on the bill. Congratulations, netizens! Thanks to everyone who participated and demonstrated today.
This is very good news. IT’S THE POWAH OF TEH INTERNETZ!
Now to annoy them even further, the rest of my blog post will consist of copied LULZ. Enjoy!
Graphomaniac - A. Elizabeth West 
