Ulgoter Plantarum

As you may have noticed, my blog looks a little different today. I grew tired of the green and brown color scheme and changed it up. I also added a new category called Fiction. You can search it for any stories I post exclusively here. Let me know what you think in the comments.

The following is a science fiction story I wrote around the time of the election. I probably won’t find a home for it, so here ya go. The title came from a captcha phrase I got while logging into something; I don’t recall what. I liked it, however, and I thought it would make a good title (mine usually blow).

Enjoy.

——————–

Ulgoter Plantarum

© 2016 by Elizabeth West

Hello, friend. I see you’re traveling to the same station as myself. Yes, the transport will be quite crowded. Please, sit beside me. There is room. I will move my things, and my extra limbs — there. Apologies for the space they take up. Yes, there are several of us here, traveling. Traveling…

You are from Earth? Near Sol? How interesting. I have seen pictures of it from our information network, but I have never been so far. It is a lovely blue, is it not? My home is a bit less vibrant. Mostly grey, but with brilliant crystalline purple sections. Our museum once held a large stone from Earth called a geode. It was a popular exhibit because the interior resembled parts of our own world. Perhaps long ago, the two evolved from the same sort of matter.

Ah, well, you would know then. Exo-geology is a fascinating field of study. I see…yes, long assignments can be taxing. You must be excited to return home.

I have heard a great deal about the civilization of Earth. How some live in abject poverty while others waste far more than they could ever use. It’s quite the interesting subject in our schools.

No, no, we do not travel much. Why would we, when we had all we needed? Oh those are not tears; I have an eye condition. You need not worry about contagion. No, I am not crying.

Thank you for the eye-cloth. You are very kind. I have heard of the caring of Earth’s citizens for those in distress. You want to hear my story? Oh, I doubt if it will interest you.

Very well then. We have plenty of time before the transport arrives. Would you like to share my beverage? It is fresh pellacia juice. No? Ah, you have coffee. A quaint drink, but effective if one wishes to remain alert.

To begin…oh, where am I from? Why, Ulgoter Plantarum. It is some distance from here. We live on the surface of the planet, beneath a black sky, the dome above us arching in a graceful and benevolent bubble. It is a beautiful world of vast sparkling plains. Though somewhat inhospitable to oxygen-breathing organisms, millennia ago, our society colonized it after our own planet’s star began to die, and we made our home there. It lacks resources, but it has several moons from which we draw water, metals, and other materials we need to flourish. Our society has always been uniform, but we idolize those with a meld of citizens from many worlds, including those humans who originated on the exoplanets at the edge of your galaxy.

Oh yes, we have heard of the abductions. Those were not Ulgotan activity. Many others in the system would perpetrate such misdeeds, I am sad to say.

Governance. Yes. That is the issue. That is where my tale becomes one of woe.

On Ulgoter Plantarum, we elect a planetary leader. Our democratic process rises above all others in the galaxy. Fairness, community, and openness prevail. We revere all forms of humans, all races, all alignments, and all non-humans alike. Those born in our civilization can rise to greatness if they possess the necessary qualities. Because we appear alike, our society conditions us from birth to accept differences. We have little enmity. Our population lives in agreement; those who would divide and conquer find themselves subtly ostracized and usually decide to take employment on the largest of the neighboring moons, Devanon, where the roughest of construction and mining operations take place, and colonies of hateful dissenters flourish, burn, and die. Quite literally. One can see occasional flares of explosions as they destroy each other. But we examine behavior, not speech; the more promises a candidate puts forth, the deeper the scrutiny of past deeds, or misdeeds.

Only once did we make a mistake.

We had few who wished to lead at that time. Most citizens were content with the way things were, save Devanon’s inhabitants. They issued constant complaints, which most Ulgotans ignored. The Continental Plains presented a candidate who seemed promising, who had served as their advisor to the council and whose reasoned ideas seemed to take both Devanon and the home world into consideration. But no one seemed inclined to challenge him, and Ulgotan law specifies that no office can be filled without an election, to prevent supplanting citizens’ choice. An opponent had to be provided. We trusted the governmental moon to do this.

When the council announced the choice, Ulgotans were surprised, and many were pleased. They had chosen the Japer. We all knew this entity; however, it had never been a council member or advisor of any stripe. In fact, it had had run the most productive of the mining colonies on Devanon, where the majority of citizen complaints were loudest. It baffled us why the council would choose such a being.

Japer is an old word for trickster, beguiler. I use it here because we — meaning many of us who had misgivings–never called it by its actual name. Its acumen brought the promise of new economic projects. Though vague, they seemed legitimate, and its unorthodox proclamations kept us entertained. It was of unpleasant appearance and demeanor for an Ulgotan, yet it seemed to know what we needed. At first.

Soon, it showed a disturbing preference for the least civilized and most poorly educated of our citizens, most of whom populated Devanon and a few outer moons, claiming their rights had been trampled not only by its opposition but also by the government itself, and they must rebel. No more appealing to the council and following due process. “You’re shoved aside!” it thundered. “You have to take it back! What’s theirs is yours! Rebel! Rebel! Choose me, and I’ll help you!” It painted an ugly picture of the council, that they were power-hungry dictatorial creatures who soothed us with lies and kept us divided. “Restore Ulgoter Plantarum and Devanon to one!” the Japer cried, and its followers rallied.

This platform disturbed us. Negotiations with the council had kept the home world in harmony with the industrial moon colonies for many years. To see this break down was the stuff of nightmares. The denizens of the moons had the same rights and privileges as did those on the planet; they worked in the mines by choice. They earned a decent wage and had their needs provided for. They were not slaves. They enjoyed freedom of movement between the moon and the main population centers, when they could afford it.

An astute observer on our daily informational broadcast pointed out that contentment can breed boredom, and perhaps this was the reason for their rebellion, spotted and encouraged by the Japer in order to draw attention to itself. For it seemed to thrive on scrutiny and adoration both. We had never before seen a candidate who did not care whether it was loved or hated. Or perhaps, a few suggested, things were not quite so fair after all.

This elicited a vast divide of opinion at first. Those who favored it were the most vociferous and eventually prevailed. Dissenters insisted they had given the matter careful thought and had finally accepted the rightness of the Japer’s supporters. Perhaps the moons did have a legitimate complaint. After all, things had not changed on Ulgoter Plantarum for centuries.

With suspicion came investigation. It revealed that several of the more long-lived council members –though hardly a majority– had been manipulating negotiations to ensure their own interests received more attention and less scrutiny. They had been quietly appropriating the benefits provided to the moons’ populations, and credits earned for work given had not increased as the council had told us. Our fair-minded civilization reeled in a state of shock. A segment of our citizenry had indeed been betrayed.

Punishment? Oh, yes, our charter contained legal remedies for just such a scenario. All citizens of the colony had to do was agree by crystal vote to follow the procedure and have the miscreants sanctioned. Indeed, they were. We assumed the matter would resolve and the planet would gradually settle back into its former state of genteel acceptance.

We could not have been more wrong.

Led by the vocal dissidents in the planetary colony, fed by endless streams of rhetoric from the Japer itself, and incited by the collapse of trust in the council following the recent scandal, the unthinkable happened. The divisive Japer won the election.

No, no; I am all right. Yes, I would like more pellacia juice, thank you. Please allow me to refill your coffee in turn. I insist. Simply indicate when you have finished.

On the day of the Japer’s induction, Ulgoter Plantarum went into a frenzy. From the moons came reports of wild celebrations that lasted throughout the eight-day week. One could observe pyrotechnics from several hundred leagues away. They lit up the stratosphere in a dazzling display, visible even from the outer moon colonies (indeed, that had been the intent, since many of the workers there did not have enough credits to travel to the capital or even to Devanon).

On the planet itself, the mood leaned toward a sober contemplation. How could one faction, far from the majority, have succeeded? Analysis of the crystal votes revealed that less than 64% of Ulgotans had bothered to submit their stones. When the still-unbiased information network took a poll, it found the majority of those who abstained had done so due to a lack of confidence that the remaining council members favored Ulgoter Plantarum’s interests over their own. “Why should we?” many of them said. “It doesn’t matter who’s in charge. First it was the moon; next it will be us.”

And things began to change.

Oh yes, I suppose it does make me angry to speak of it. I have never been able to control the blue flush. Everyone always knows when I am upset. I appreciate your willingness to listen, and your concern.

Yes, our resistance to change may seem difficult to understand. Earthlings thrive on upheaval. When things become static, you push them. Look at your science, your technology. You would not be here, sitting beside me, but for change.

Very well. I shall explain.

At first, the Japer had the most appalling ideas, ones that spoke to the very basest of our instincts, traits we had striven to eliminate over many generations. We despaired; our society showed signs of slipping backward. Debates raged furiously. The majority, I am thankful to say, exhibited much thoughtfulness and informed discourse. When the Japer, aided by the council, presented potential edicts, resistance happened swiftly but not without consideration. In this way, we managed to extract the best ideas and discard what did not work. We began to get used to it.

Then one day, the blow fell. Six cycles into its incumbency, the Japer announced a new development, an astonishing reimagining of the planet’s societal structure, and one that would forever alter the way we lived. There had been a breakthrough, it said, in the understanding of our planet. An exploration we knew nothing about had discovered new sources of raw materials. No longer would we confine a third of the populace to the moons; no longer would we strip them of their resources. Though hardly limited, they took time to replenish, time in which the workers lay idle and did not earn credits. This had been a subject of exhaustive debate in times past and various solutions were proposed; it was the main reason Devanon colonists could not afford to visit the planet. Many had originated on the moons and had never seen the beautiful sparkling plains of Ulgoter Plantarum for themselves.

No more, declared the Japer. The entire population of the moons could now join us. The first to come would be the construction workers. They would begin assembly of living quarters and section centers, and do the heavy work involved in opening the refineries. “To refine what?” we asked.

Yes, I hear that. I am sorry I cannot speak over it. Let us retire to this seat, further back. It seems to be coming from the front of the station. Our transport will soon be here; I will finish as quickly as I can.

Our purple crystals had always functioned as nothing more than scenery. As fate would have it, researchers at an industrial operation hired by the council at the Japer’s behest had discovered they contained a substance that would provide energy of a sort we had not seen before. It would power our cities, and we would no longer need to depend on the expensive moon operations. Our society could be one at last.

And so the work began. Much sooner than anticipated, which pleased the Japer to no end, the refineries were operational. The council and the Japer began to make plans regarding a changeover of energy.

Before they could do so, our scientists rushed to inform them of a dreadful complication. The threads of substance within the crystals that formed the basis of this restructuring contained a dangerous element. If released, as it would be during refining, it would slowly decimate the planet.

First, airborne particles would lower the temperature. Then, the remaining crystals would react. They would break down, lose their sparkle, turn as grey as their surroundings. In turn, they would release more of the element, poisoning the soil and liquid. Contamination would spread. As if this were not bad enough, the element would cause disease within the populace. Slowly but surely, it would destroy us.

To the scientists’ alarm and the chagrin of the population, careful examination of Ulgoter Plantarum’s records found that no one had ever performed a study on the planet before it was terraformed. Blame flew; information streams deteriorated into a cacophony of argument and supposition.

We seem to be attracting attention. I doubt this station sees many Ulgotans. I must hurry.

The Japer, as you might imagine, completely disregarded the warnings, even when the populace near the refineries began to show premature signs of the poison’s effects. It merely stated the situation would pass. Several of the scientists disagreed. They went underground. They made plans to stop the Japer, woefully unformed and even unbalanced plans. We–they needed a catalyst.

It came when an unfounded rumor surfaced. The Japer was building a ship. An escape ship. Only large enough for itself, its closest advisors and the cronies who ran the refineries, and its young. It meant to leave us to the ravages of the refineries, which continued to exude their poison. Nothing we tried could stop it. The refinery bosses bribed their workers with credits and promises of many more glorious things to come if they would not dissent.

The plan was laid.

Excuse me? One moment, friend; the station operative needs information. My transport card, yes yes. I have it here. Let me search…ah, here we are. All should be in order, for my colleagues as well. We are going to Dalion IV. No, this human is returning to Earth, to family. Ah, I see. Thank you for informing us.

I am sorry, my friend, for the interruption. Let us hope the transport delay does not take much longer.

What was the plan? It was a simple one, really. It started with a subversive attempt to stop the refining. When that failed, as we suspected it would, we engineered the definitive solution.

Oh, you are back. Yes, Operative. Yes, that is my name. I see there is no reason to resist. You have found us. My colleagues are not well. Please treat them kindly. The poison spread too deeply into their systems. They will not survive long after reaching K-6.

I am sorry, dear friend. Please, do not try to interfere. No, Operative, the Earthling had nothing to do with it.

What? Yes, I said Dalion IV, but we are not going there now. Our escape has been thwarted. K-6 is a prison planet, friend. The plan I spoke of? The only way to stop the Japer from leaving, and to cut short the awful suffering it inflicted on our beautiful world, was to destroy it.

When our first conflagrations at the refineries distracted the council, we infiltrated the Japer’s section. The ship, now completed, was loaded with credits. All the credits its cronies had promised to the workers. In fact, the entire treasury. You see, we had no choice. We stole the ship and passed the outer binary star just as the chemical reaction we instigated removed Ulgoter Plantarum from existence.

Could you please give me the eye-cloth? I cannot reach, as I am confined. Thank you. Thank you, friend. Please, do not weep for me. All that I told you took place over many of your generations. I am old, and I am tired. We accept our sentence knowing that we have liberated our planet from great suffering, not with vengeance, but with compassion. If you take nothing else from my story, take this: care for your world. Protect it. We are the last of our kind, but the Japer was not the last of its ilk.

Ah, here is your transport. And I see ours has arrived also. Farewell, my friend. Farewell.

 

The Destruction of the Arkansas Ten Commandments Monument was Unlawful; But Christian Monuments on Government Property are Unconstitutional

You’ve probably heard that somebody rammed a car into the Ten Commandments monument erected on government property in Arkansas.

Arkansas’ Ten Commandments monument destroyed by vehicle 

I don’t condone destruction of property, not at all. What Mr. Reed did was wrong. But that monument should never have been there in the first place.

The Establishment Clause of the U.S. Constitution is clear–you cannot pass laws that allow an establishment of any particular religion. And a law that allows display of one religion’s monument on government property but restricts any other (i.e. a non-Christian one), IS an official endorsement of that religion, because it prioritizes it above the others.

From the Legal Information Institute website at Cornell University:

“The First Amendment’s Establishment Clause prohibits the government from making any law “respecting an establishment of religion.” This clause not only forbids the government from establishing an official religion, but also prohibits government actions that unduly favor one religion over another. It also prohibits the government from unduly preferring religion over non-religion, or non-religion over religion.”

The clause exists to preserve your religious freedom, not threaten it. You have a right to worship any way you choose, but you cannot put that into law, because then everyone is subject to it.

If you allow a religion to dictate legal matters according to its rules, then you no longer have religious freedom. You have opened the door to a takeover of whatever belief system happens to be the majority, and it may not always remain yours. I’m thinking in particular of Scientology, which has a lot of money and a lot of influence. What if Scientologists bought Congress and forced their beliefs into law? Would you like it if you were required to follow its tenets and pay for its e-meters and classes? No? I didn’t think so.

Religious freedom in the U.S. is not majority rule, and that was never its intent. The only way to be fair to everyone is to keep it separate, including prohibiting symbols of faith on government installations.

If you’re tempted to start Muslim bashing and scream about preventing Sharia law in the U.S., then perhaps you don’t know what it is. It refers to the scriptural guidelines in the Muslim religion, basically their rules for going to heaven. It’s the same thing as the Bible guidelines in Christianity.

In Muslim countries that follow a classical Sharia system, Sharia law is also the law of the country. Religious, not secular, rules dominate. Everyone has to follow them whether they like it or not. This is the system in Iran and Saudi Arabia. The Taliban also enforces it. The Islamic State takes it to extremist status, but neither they nor the classical system are the primary one. Whether it can exist in conjunction with democracy is a bone of contention in the Muslim world.

In our America, it’s fine for your church to buy land and build a sanctuary and erect a cross there, or a big stone representation of the Ten Commandments. Or a giant flowerbed in the shape of Noah’s Ark. Or a Nativity scene. That’s private property; they can do what they want with it.  It’s also fine for Muslims to do the same, and Jews, and Buddhists. Its fine for anyone else who wants to have a church. The only thing they would have to worry about is zoning laws.

But religions are constitutionally restricted from interfering in government. We have separation of church and state because making your religion the law of the land is exactly the same thing Saudi Arabia does. And we don’t want that here. The Founding Fathers didn’t want that here. That’s why the Establishment Clause exists, folks. It’s why this rule should remain intact, and why we cannot permit any religious monuments on government property.

If a Buddhist, Muslim, Satanic, or Hindu statue does not belong on your courthouse lawn, then your cross or commandments can’t go there either.

How to Drive Editors Crazy

It happens from time to time in communication.  We all have the occasional typo.  But if you write professionally, you need to make sure you use the proper word.  This means PROOFREADING.  Spellcheck doesn’t know everything.  It will skip over words spelled correctly.

And if you use Autocorrect in either your word processor or your tablet, you must beware of substitutions. We ALL know that one.

Image: damnyouautocorrect.com

Behold, in two parts, I list for thee some common mistakes that make editors gnash their teeth.  Many of them come from mispronunciation of words or homophone confusion.

I can just about guarantee I made a mistake in this post and someone will point it out to me.

Part I: Getting it Wrong

Vise versa

Um…no.

I’m a vice!  No wait; I’m a vise.  I’m a tool, not a sleazy habit.  Unless you like that, baby. C’mere and give me a little squeeze.

I’m a vice! No wait; I’m a vise. I’m a tool, not a sleazy habit. Unless you like that, baby. C’mere and give me a little squeeze.

Image: Glenn McKechnie / Wikimedia Commons

Then vs than 

I might have done this already.  It bears repeating.  Then refers to a specific time.  Use than to make a comparison.

Cut and dry

It’s cut and dried.  As in, the fish is caught, cut, dried, and now we’re done.  No more work needed.

Perq

It’s perk.  I know it’s short for perquisite, but the word is spelled perk.

Bait in switch

It’s bait and switch. You dangle the bait AND then you switch it.

Stop using quotes for anything except direct quotes!

Scare quotes (or the gesture, air quotes) have come to denote irony, which means that you’re probably saying the opposite of what you actually mean.

Thanks, I’ll pass.

Thanks, I’ll pass.

Image:  submitted by Mary / unnecessaryquotes.com

Irrespective (see what I did there) of what you might have heard, irregardless is a double negative and cancels itself out.  Say regardless instead.  A manager at an old job used the incorrect form all the time, and I used to laugh at him secretly.  He was a tremendous bully and customers hated him, so I don’t feel badly about it.  You may laugh at him too.

Half-hazard

Try haphazard.

Jewlery

This isn’t even a word.  It appears more often in spoken discourse, but I’ve seen it written too.  It’s jewelry. Spelled jewellery, if you’re British or learned British English.

That vs. who

That refers to objects, groups, or animals; who refers to people.  That doesn’t technically violate grammar rules, but since people aren’t objects, who is the correct form.   Example:

“I know the culprits that trashed the cemetery, Buffy,” Giles said.

As a proper Englishman and a learned fellow, he would never say this.

“I know the culprits who trashed the cemetery, Buffy,” Giles said.

“I know the culprits who trashed the cemetery, Buffy,” Giles said.

Image:  fanpop.com

Part II: Know Your Homophones

Balling vs. bawling

You ball your girlfriend or boyfriend.  You bawl your eyes out.  If you say, “That film was so sad I was balling all over the cinema!” I’m going to look at you funny.

Cue vs. queue

Since these words have multiple meanings and some are confusing, I’m going to use them in a couple of sentences.

Cue

The pool player arrived with his cue [stick] in a special case.

An actor waits in the wings for her cue [signal].

            Tell the DJ to cue up [put next in line] a disco track.

Queue

English people love to queue [verb: line up].  They’re good at it.

Officer, the man who jumped the queue [noun: line] wore a queue [braid] down the back of his neck.    

Breaks vs. brakes 

We all got breaks when we found jobs after a long period of unemployment.

When the rabbit ran out in front of me, I hit the brakes.

Peddling vs. pedaling

You pedal a bike.

You peddle your geek junk on eBay

They see me rollin; they hatin….

Mantle vs mantel

A mantle is a cloak.  It’s also used colloquially–someone can assume the mantle of command (they put on the cloak of power).

You put things on your fireplace mantel.

Roll vs. role

One’s a verb; the other is a noun.  Bartholomew will roll the cheese down the hill.  An older actor typically plays the role of King Lear.

Hoard vs horde

This is a hoard.

Muwahahaha, all mine.

Muwahahaha, all mine.

Image:  David Rowan, Birmingham Museum and Art Gallery / Wikimedia Commons

This is a horde.

375-horde

Image:  newsbiscuit.com

Pour vs. pore

Both verbs, but they do very different things.

Imma pour you a drink, man.  We’ll talk.

Deep in the library at Orthanc, Gandalf began to pore over the scrolls. 

Flare vs. flair

A flare is a Roman candle you put on the road when you’ve broken down.  Flair is about how you show your sassy self!

Palate vs. palette

The first one refers to your sense of taste, or the roof of your mouth.  The other is the thing on which Bob Ross mixes his little roll of paint.

Wean vs. ween

If you mess this one up, I will laugh like this:  HAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAAHAAHAHAA!  Because deep inside, I’m a dirty-minded sixth-grader.

To wean is to extract yourself gradually from a dependence on something.  You wean yourself off that daily latte. You wean your little babby off formula/breast milk and onto solid food.

Ween is a very old word meaning to think or expect something.  It’s also short for wiener, which is slang for your big old willy.  Willy is slang for your penis, bro.

One-Eyed Ween didn’t have quite the same ring to it.

One-Eyed Ween didn’t have quite the same ring to it.

Image:  goonies.wikia.com

Grizzly or grizzliest vs. grisly

I see this one a lot.  Grizzly as an adjective means flecked with grey, as in an old dog’s muzzle.  As a noun, it’s a species of bear.

Grisly means something that causes disgust or horror, like blood and guts.  So a grizzly grizzly can do grisly things to your sad little meat body.

Finally, one I saw just today:

Wrap vs. rap

A bad wrap–this is what you get when you let your cat assist you with the Christmas presents.  A bad rap means somebody’s dissing you.

What do you mean you don’t need my help, Linda?

What do you mean you don’t need my help, Linda?

Image:  MoreFlippyCat / YouTube

Remember, Autocorrect and Spellcheck are great tools, but neither is a substitute for editing.  If you can, ask someone else to look at your article.  Or set it aside for a while and go back to it.  Print it out and look at it on paper–your eye doesn’t see the same thing on screen in the same way.

Now go forth and edit!

No, I Do Not Have to Accept Bullshit – Stop Telling Me to Welcome Trump

This will be my last post about the election on this blog.  Barring discussions of censorship, anything politics-related from now on will appear on either my Tumblr or Twitter feeds.  We’ll go back to our hopefully more regularly scheduled posts on writing, art, etc.  I don’t have time to blog about the Evil Pumpkin and his sidekick the Ruthless Ghost; I have a job to find and a book to revise / query and another to write.

If I don’t have any book news to share, we’ll just have fun instead.

If I don’t have any book news to share, we’ll just have fun instead.

Image:  stockimage / freedigitalphotos.net

A Facebook friend shared this Seth Millstein article from Bustle today– What To Tell People Who Say You Have To Accept Donald Trump’s Presidency Now.  In the wake of the 2017 Women’s March on Washington, a vast worldwide protest of historic significance, I find it doubly important.  I’ve seen this rebuke in comments dozens of times now–“Get over it!  He’s your president! Suck it up! Accept it!”–and quite frankly, it’s getting old.

Let me make this absolutely clear.

I will continue to be a law-abiding citizen as I have always done.  I will exercise my rights and fight within current legal guidelines to dismantle any attempt to curtail them.  In the event those rights are revoked, I will use any tools available to continue that battle.

I am under no obligation to accept racism, sexism, transphobia, homophobia, abuse, gaslighting, lying, or the interference of a foreign power in the machinations of my government.  I do not have to bow down to anyone.  This is not a monarchy.  It will not be a dictatorship because we will not allow it.

I do not have to use the title of president when referring to the person who holds that title.  Calling him Trump, or Mr. Trump if I’m ever unfortunate enough to be in the same room with him, is perfectly acceptable.

I will support artists and writers’ efforts to speak out, to represent marginalized and underrepresented citizens, to expose lies and propaganda and misdirection.  I will do everything I can to ensure we aren’t silenced.

I will support programs that seek to fund artistic endeavors of all kinds.  Art provides escape and succor and peace, spurs us to action, and helps us see the exquisite beauty of our world.  It’s a reflection of our society.  It shows us where we’re going and where we’ve been.  It stimulates our collective imagination as to what we could become.

Understand that I’m also fighting for YOU.  What hurts me also hurts you, and vice versa.  Whether we agree or not isn’t the point.  By looking at facts, I try to see things clearly rather than through a fog of rhetoric.  You can depend on me to continue.  I will try my best to be respectful of your views so we can discuss them, and all I ask is the same from you.  If you’re not capable of that, or if my anger or frustration hinders polite discourse, I will step away from you and direct my efforts elsewhere.

For what it’s worth, I believe we’re moving toward a more progressive society and not a lesser one.  It may hurt to excise this abscess of hate, but once it’s gone, things will be better for everybody.

I care about this country and the world.  I care about you.  Let’s fix these problems together.

Always Team Cap; never Team Hydra. 

Always Team Cap; never Team Hydra.

Links:
American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) – National non-partisan non-profit that works to defend the rights of persons in the United States

Southern Poverty Law Center (SPLC) – Non-profit fighting hate, intolerance, and discrimination through education and litigation. Monitors hate groups.

National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP) – Works to fight institutionalized racism in America

Lambda Legal – Organization working to ensure rights of LGBTQ and HIV-positive people through education and policy

Human Rights Campaign – Action organization dedicated to LGBTQ rights

Planned Parenthood – Provides sexual and reproductive health care (STD testing, prenatal care, birth control, cancer screenings, abortion referral) and education to low-income women.  Planned Parenthood also provides sexual and reproductive health services to men.  

More links to organizations you can help support or volunteer for in this HuffPo article:

These Organizations Will Critically Need Support During Trump’s Presidency

A Farewell to Harm – Fuck off, 2016

Boy, this has been one epic toilet of a year, hasn’t it?  Let us count the ways.

A large number of celebrity deaths

Lots of people, notable and not, died during the year.  But we lost some of our most revered legends, more than usual, and some of them were grossly unexpected, like David Bowie, Carrie Fisher, and Prince.

It's okay to have a sad.

It’s okay to have a sad.

Image: Macro / publicdomainpictures.net

One of the most contentious and insane presidential elections ever

I’m not going to post the Pumpkin’s New Year tweet here; if you’re so inclined, you can go view it on Twitter.  But this response from Irish singer/songwriter James Vincent McMorrow made me laugh the hardest:

I love James–and you should check out his music, seriously.

I really don’t have much more to say about the election, other than to remind everyone that we can fight back in many ways.  Help each other out, even those you disagree with.  In the next few years, that kindness will make bank, because a ton of voters are already regretting their choice.  If you cannot, do what you must to keep yourself safe and know that many of us, myself included, will step up for you.

AND GET YOUR ARSE OUT AND VOTE IN THE MID-TERMS IN 2018.  Don’t wait for someone else to do it.

Vast amounts of really shitty personal crap

Okay, I asked the universe earlier in the year to challenge me, not with disaster, but by giving me everything I want all at the same time.  “I can handle it!” I cried.

What I forgot was that in order for new stuff to slide in, first the old stuff has to vacate the space.

Oh yeah...right.

Oh yeah…right.

Image:  cw-c.tumbler.com

The universe has been methodically removing things from my life.  Losing my job two days after the election felt like the final blow, though silver linings do exist. There is one more possible crushing and horrible disappointment that I don’t want to talk about. But maybe it’s not a disaster just yet.  We’ll see.

I’m far from the only person who has had a ton of what-the-actual-hell land on them this year.  It does seem like a great big pile-on. When you’re down, there’s nowhere to go but up.  A friend of mine said that sometimes chaos signals deep change.  So all the crazy stuff we’ve been experiencing could be the last desperate death throes of the things that keep us from evolving, both in societal and personal ways.

Here’s to a happier, safer, and better 2017!

goodbye-2016

I made dis.  Feel free to pass it around, haha.

And see this shitty year get a performance review courtesy of Chris Bucholz at Cracked.

Have A Seat 2016, It’s Time For Annual Performance Reviews

Screw You in the Ass with a Cactus, 2016

You really are clawing at everybody on your way out, aren’t you, 2016?

Carrie Fisher, actor best known for Star Wars (Princess Leia, General Organa!) / writer (Postcards from the Edge and other books) / mental health and women’s rights advocate, at 60 (WAY too young), of a heart attack.  I have no words.

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Marion Curtis/StarPix/REX/Shutterstock (6196713x) Carrie Fisher with Dog Gary 54th New York Film Festival Screening of HBO's Documentary 'Bright Lights', USA - 10 Oct 2016

Photo by Marion Curtis/StarPix/REX/Shutterstock (6196713x)
Carrie Fisher with Dog Gary
54th New York Film Festival Screening of HBO’s Documentary ‘Bright Lights’, USA – 10 Oct 2016

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Image:  tvline.com

Ricky Harris, comedian / actor (Everybody Hates Chris)at 54 (also WAY too young), of a heart attack.  I wasn’t a huge fan of Ricky’s, but I liked him on the show and I didn’t want to forget him here.

Jerod Harris / Getty Images, file

Ricky Harris in 2011. Photo: Jerod Harris / Getty Images, file

Image: nbcnews.com

George Michael, musician (formerly of the 1980s pop duo Wham!) / secret philanthropist, at 53 (okay, now this is getting stupid) of heart failure–quietly in his sleep, apparently.  I know a story about George where he doesn’t come off so well, but anyone can have a shitty day.  I liked his music.

Image: tvline.com

Richard Adams, writer (Watership Down–the bunny book) at 96, which is kind of old (but awesome).  He also wrote The Plague Dogs–it’s a very hard read because after you finish it, you want to kill anyone who experiments on dogs.

richard-adams-2016

Image: rte.ie

Liz Smith, actor, Royle Family and The Vicar of Dibley, at 95, also of being old (but still awesome).  I loved her as the dim-witted Letitia Cropley on Vicar.

Nooo not Mrs. Cropley!

Nooo not Mrs. Cropley!

Image: BBC / theguardian.com

RIP, folks, and party hearty with those who have gone before you.  Our only consolation is that this bastard tire fire of a year from Planet Hell has only four more days left.

To end on a lighter note, read this tweet.  It made me laugh out loud, which I think Carrie Fisher would have liked.  And everybody please take good care of your hearts.

My First Writer’s Conference! ShowMe Writers Masterclass

I’ve tried to write this post a couple of times in the last two weeks, but with a big rejection, the election, and losing my job a couple of days afterward, it’s been a little tense around here.

I suspect the Q Continuum may be involved.

I suspect the Q Continuum may be involved.

Image:  Rex Features / telegraph.co.uk

So, the weekend of November 5 and 6, I went to my first writing conference ever, the ShowMe Writers MasterClass.  Put on by the Columbia chapter of the Missouri Writers Guild and Mizzou Publishing, it took place at the University of Missouri.

It wasn’t Worldcon or anything, but I live within driving distance, so I went for it.  (And got lost — thank the universe I allowed extra travel time!)

The conference attendees ranged from college-aged folks all the way through senior citizens (for some reason, I noticed a LOT of seniors).  Some were published, either self or small press; many were not.  Everyone I spoke to was very nice–each of us had the same goal, to improve our work and get it published.

The dream.

The dream.

Image:  blurppy.com

About the Masterclass

Featured speakers included Chuck Sambuchino, freelance editor, the editor of Guide to Literary Agents and the blog of the same name, and author of the humor book How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack: Defend Yourself When the Lawn Warriors Strike (And They Will).  Chuck spoke on various topics including social media marketing, getting an agent, and publishing itself.

Chuck is funny, knowledgeable, and confident.  He knows how to keep a Q&A session moving.  If he doesn’t know the answer to a question, he doesn’t bullshit you; he says so.  You got it wrong?  He’ll let you know bluntly but respectfully.  He talks very fast, so you have to pay attention.  And trust me, you don’t want to miss a thing.

He’ll probably kill me for posting this, but he also moves fast, so it was hard to catch a better pic of him.

chuck-s-at-writers-masterclass

Like shooting wildlife.  BAM!

Photo: Elizabeth West

Listening to Chuck talk about traditional publishing, I realized I’m on track to get there eventually (I hope).  That was a good feeling.

Mary Buckham, a fantasy author who also has a couple of books out on writing, gave a talk and taught some craft sessions on setting and hooks.  She is hilarious and cool and I loved her.  I bought her book A Writer’s Guide to Active Setting: How to Enhance Your Fiction with More Descriptive, Dynamic Settings.  I’m considering taking Tunerville’s characters a little bit out of their time and space.   Judging by all the great information she presented in that session, I felt it would be a worthwhile investment.   I haven’t read any of her fiction.  This must be remedied ASAP.

Mary is also a delightful person and she loves helping other writers. She peppered her talks and lessons with a sharp humor; we laughed as much as we learned.

I know she looks serious here, but trust me.

I know she looks serious here, but trust me.

Photo:  Elizabeth West

Recently, an agent I queried re Tunerville requested a full manuscript and sadly, they rejected it.  BUT–I received a critique, which is the gold standard of rejections.  Agents have so much to read they rarely bother to tell you why you were rejected, but this one was very specific regarding what worked and what didn’t.  It was so nice and kind that I sent a thank-you email.

Mary told me that if I’m getting those kinds of rejections, I’m very close to publication.  I hope she’s right; I don’t want to give up on Tunerville just yet.  It pains me to move on from a book when I have expansive plans for sequels, etc.

However, we writers know it’s best to keep working.  When that call comes, the question will arise:  “What else are you working on?” And we need to have an answer ready!

Oh, a little of this, a little of that…

Oh, a little of this, a little of that…

Image:  mhpbooks.com

The conference broke writers into tracks inspired by famous Missouri writers:

  • Mark Twain (fiction)
  • Laura Ingalls Wilder (creative non-fiction)
  • Maya Angelou (poetry)
  • Tennessee Williams (play/screenplay writing)

Each track had sessions pertaining to marketing, craft, and mentoring so we got the most relevant information for our categories.  As much as it pained me to miss the screenwriting stuff (a thing in which I have interest), limited time and concurrent scheduling kept me from it.

I also would have liked to attend the visual storytelling session, led by presenter Cole Closser, a Will Eisner Comic Industry Award nominee whose art has a really cool 1940s vintage vibe.  Because a story is a story–but again, I had to pick between him and something else.  Eeny meeny miney mo.

Ain't nobody catching ME by the toe.

Ain’t nobody catching ME by the toe.

Image:  Brian Gratwicke / Wikimedia Commons

The mentoring sessions with some of their featured experts were set up as either one-on-one, which cost extra, or in small groups of the first six people to arrive.  During the character building session, which comprised an analysis of character elements in Kafka’s The Metamorphosis, I think I hit on ways to fix Tunerville.  That was probably one of the most valuable bits of the conference for me.  Thanks to Gordon Sauer for lending his expertise.

You can also use these gatherings to network with other writers or even agents.  ShowMe Writers Masterclass also offered a pitchfest, which is an activity where writers can actually spend a few minutes with a real, live agent and tell him/her about their book (pitching it–this is like a mini-query, but in person).  See the link for more information.

This also cost extra, and none of the featured agents represented my work, so I skipped it.  But I did get to chat a bit with one of them at their table and took the agency’s business card, because who knows?

Things I Learned from the Masterclass

Aside from the craft and marketing stuff.

  1. You should know your preferred category of writing before you go. You should really know your category anyway.
  1. The website said to dress with comfort in mind, but don’t be a slob. If you’re meeting with an agent during a pitchfest, you’ll need to convey a professional image–no ratty shirts and holey jeans.  You will cover some ground during these things, so WEAR COMFORTABLE SHOES.
  1. Take notes! Lots of them!  Don’t rely on your memory.  Our programs had a space for this–I used the handouts and a notebook.  I intended to use my computer, but lugging it around the first day sucked, so I just wrote them.
  1. Register early, as you can often get a discount on lodging through the conference. I had to wait to book a hotel and ended up at Howard Johnson’s, which wasn’t too bad and economical.
  1. Don’t be afraid to engage with presenters and instructors. Talk to them at their tables.  Give them some love!  Ask lots of questions–your purpose here is to learn as much as you can.

I had a great weekend, despite the driving.  Bonus; a chat room friend lives close by, so we got together for dinner and went to see Doctor Strange with her friends and her husband (it was awesome! Go see it!).

If you’ve never attended a event like this, I highly recommend it.  Google writing conferences in your area; you’re bound to find some.  Get out of your cave and mix and mingle.

Critical Thinking More Important than Ever in the Time of Trump

I read this really good Vox article about American authoritarianism and the rise of the Cheeto today instead of cleaning the house.  Because the internet is infinitely more interesting than chasing dust bunnies and hanging up wet clothes, y’all.

TL;DR–Authoritarianism is driving the bigotry we’re seeing–it’s inherently prejudicial, because it stems from a rhetoric-driven fear of the “other” and a fear of change.

Dumb version:  someone tells you you should be afraid of X, and so you freak out and look for hard-line solutions to protect you from X.

This is fascinating from a psychological standpoint.   However, it actually illustrates a huge problem:  people stop thinking at hearing about X and don’t look deeper to see whether it’s actually a threat to them.  A good example is the vaccination scare–one incredibly flawed and eventually discredited study created a panic.  As a result, people (children!) got sick from preventable diseases because everybody freaked out and stopped vaccinating their kids.

Understandably, the study’s conclusion alarmed other scientists, and they took a good hard look at the data.  They found a whole lot of junk, poor procedures, and nothing to support the study’s conclusions.

The vaccines were not the threat–the panic was.

Same thing here.  One incredibly flawed and repeatedly discredited person (Trump) played on a latent fear of change and has fed a new, destructive, and frightening political demographic. Not created, mind you; it’s been there, lurking, and that’s even more scary.

It remains small and ineffective (we hope) at this time, but now more than ever, our future as a free nation depends on our willingness to embrace change.  I’m worried about this election.  I probably won’t be able to relax until it’s over, and if it goes all pear-shaped, I’m not sure I can or want to stay here.  Because as a writer, I know that words have power–and if his can, mine can.  My voice would join those of other dissidents and we would be in danger for speaking the truth.  Our veracity would have little sway over people who cannot or will not use their critical thinking power and who hold such a vital skill in little regard.  And it’s more important to me that I could continue speaking out than remain silent.  If I have to seek asylum elsewhere to do it, I will.

So what can you do?   Listen to the words you hear.  Think about them.  Dig deeper.  Do so with an open mind, not one attuned to unrelated nuggets you can use to support your position.  Hear all positions.  That’s what we’re supposed to do during an election.  So do it.

———-

This article, though aimed at college students, can help you exercise these vital processes.

7 Ways to Improve Your Critical Thinking Skills 

Happy Banned Books Week 2016! September 25 – October 1

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Happy Banned Books Week!  The American Library Association celebrates knowledge and access once again by encouraging everyone to read a book that has been banned, challenged, or has otherwise sustained an attempt at censorship.

I’ve already gone into my reasons why censorship sucks and the reasons books get banned in previous posts (see links).  Today, I shall choose a few of my favorite books from the list and discuss them.

1984 (1949) by George Orwell

Image:  British first edition cover / Wikipedia.org

What better way to start this list than with a book in which thought control is a major plot point?  1984 shows a dystopian, totalitarian society of the future in which the government has total authority over everything the population does, from what they eat to how they think.  Individualism is criminalized and persecuted.

Our hero, Winston Smith, does the unthinkable–he begins to question this existence and even falls in love with a Julia, a fellow worker in the let’s-revise-all-the-history-of-the-world department of the Ministry of Truth (a rather ironic name at that).  The proles, working-class members of this society, have at least the appearance of freedom–they’re allowed to hook up, fight, sing, worship, etc.  But their lives are deeply controlled by restricted access to jobs, education, and forms of entertainment not fed to them by the Ministry.  Moles report and eliminate any attempts by proles to rise above their station.

1984 has delivered several choice words and phrases to the lexicon from the book’s Newspeak language.  Among these:

Big Brother – the titular figurehead of the government in the book.  The phrase “Big Brother is watching you” means you are being observed and your insubordination noted.

Thought Police (Thinkpol) – secret law enforcement of Oceania’s government, who seek out subversives by using surveillance through the telescreens in every party member’s house and psychological manipulation.  Refers to suppression of contrasting ideology in repressive societies such as Iran, Russia, etc.  Many also believe this is happening in the U.S. as religion-backed legislators enact faith-based laws in direct defiance of its Constitution’s establishment clause.

The novel contains themes of nationalism, censorship, and the growing awareness of surveillance.  Reasons ranging from sexual content to pro-communism make 1984 an oft-challenged book.

The Lord of the Rings (1954-1955) by J.R.R. Tolkien

Image:  Cover art first single volume edition, HarperCollins / Wikipedia.org

Fantasy as a genre often stirs people up–some folks associate magic, etc. with Satanism and sacrilege.  They forget that 1) magic isn’t really real, and 2) though Tolkien was quite religious himself (he was a devout Catholic), there is no mention anywhere in any of the books about Satan, God, Jesus, etc., certainly in no disparaging way.  Also, the hobbits, Strider, and Gandalf all smoke.  Well, they are adults, and I somehow don’t expect a bit of Old Toby from the Shire is going to hurt any of them.

Much has been made of Frodo as a Christ allegory, but Tolkien insisted LOTR has no such subtext, and we have to take his word on that.  However, through the use of literary doubling, Tolkien does present a dichotomy between light and dark (a much older concept that pre-dates any form of Christianity).  One might argue a somewhat Modernist take on industrialization vs. nature, after Tolkien experienced the horrors of World War I in comparison with a pastoral childhood.

Whether you agree or not, this epic fantasy set a standard for the genre and remains one of the most beloved classics of its kind.

One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest (1962) by Ken Kesey

Image:  First edition cover / Wikipedia.org

The main figure of the 1960s pro-psychedelic group The Merry Pranksters, Kesey used to work in a mental institution.  It was during this period he had opportunity to make close observations of the institutional system, which was being challenged at the time.

The novel presents themes of authority and control, both through individual coercion–Nurse Ratched’s subtle psychological manipulations–and the cultural and internal shame of anyone who is “different,” as a closeted Dale Harding describes himself.  It also touches on a larger, mechanistic view of society (Chief Bromden’s references to the Combine) in general.

It’s a fish-out-of-water story, in the person of loud and boisterous con man McMurphy, but one where the fish disrupts the status quo in long-lasting and profound ways.  Kesey also used the trope of an unreliable narrator to great effect here.  Chief Bromden’s feigned deafness allows him to suss out what’s really going on in the ward, but his observations are interspersed with obvious hallucinations due to his illness.

The 1975 film adaptation directed by Milos Forman, which was pretty damn good, won all five major Academy Awards (Best Director, Picture, Adapted Screenplay, Actor, and Actress).   The novel has been challenged for being pornographic, violent, and corrupting.

Read it anyway!

The Great Gilly Hopkins (1978) by Katherine Paterson

Image:  Cover art / Wikipedia.org

This was one of my favorite books as a child.  I still read it occasionally, having purchased a used copy at a library sale (I kept all my childhood books and added to them over the years).  The funny, poignant tale of a defiant foster child, this book earned a place on the ALA list due to mild profanity, Gilly’s racism toward her teacher, and her resistance to her foster parent’s deep faith.

It’s well worth a read for lively characters, good handling of a sensitive topic (foster care and how children in it close themselves off), and just all-around great writing.  Paterson also wrote Bridge to Terabithia, another frequently challenged book.

Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry (1976) by Mildred D Taylor

Image:  Jerry Pinkney / Wikipedia.org

See that medal on the front of the book cover?  That’s a Newbery award, given to distinguished contributions to literature for young American readers.

This novel is about racism in a small Southern community during the Great Depression.  It was followed by multiple sequels —Let the Circle Be Unbroken (1981), The Road to Memphis (1990), The Well: David’s Story (1995), and The Land (2001).  I haven’t read the last two but they’re on my list.

Taylor gives us the Logans, a black family in the unique position of owning their land, which is constantly under challenge by a wealthy white man who wants to take it away from them.  They deal with systemic and overt prejudice in myriad ways.

The Logan family has become one of my literary favorites.  They’re tough, they work hard and love even harder, and they withstand everything life throws at them.  They stick together no matter what and stand up for friends and neighbors, even though it’s difficult and heartbreaking at times.  And I find the character of Cassie Logan quite relatable–she feels the injustice keenly as she grows up and is extremely frustrated by her inability to speak out against it (because it’s dangerous to do so).  We’re angry right along with her.

Reading this series is painful, because we still haven’t resolved our ridiculous and deep-seated bias in this country.  For this reason alone, it should be required reading everywhere.  Reasons for challenging it have included racial slurs, violence, and inappropriateness.

The Harry Potter series (1997-2007) by J.K. Rowling

Image:  Cover UK edition of Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone / Wikipedia.org

Oh, my my my.  You surely know all about this one.  The U.S. has no moratorium on Potterhate; this article in the U.K. paper The Telegraph will show you that.

For non-link clickers, some reasons this book series has been challenged include:

  • Promotion of witchcraft (and subsequently Satanism and the occult)
  • Dark themes (too scary)
  • Bad behavior (kids at Hogwarts routinely break rules and defy authority)

The National Coalition Against Censorship (NCAC) provides a toolkit for schools facing such challenges, as well as individuals and authors.  Quite a few schools have tried to remain sensitive to the issue by offering alternative assignments to kids who aren’t allowed to read Potter or other fantasy works.  As long as the basic requirements of an assignment are fulfilled, I see no problem with this solution.  But as the NCAC points out on the linked page:

In many cases, parents’ concerns can be addressed by requesting an alternative assignment. While this is an attractive option, alternative assignment policies can be abused to the point of wreaking havoc upon the curriculum, which cannot be tailored to every student. (Source: http://ncac.org/resource/book-censorship-toolkit)

Whatever your stance on Harry Potter, Anne Frank’s diary, or other frequently challenged reading material, it falls to all of us to ensure that everyone has access to materials that discuss difficult subjects.  Without it, we will go backward in our development; the future will not belong to us.

Urge your Congress critter to support the free exchange of ideas and information.  Use your vote to support lawmakers who do.  Spread the word on social media.  And let people see you reading a banned book!

If you like, please share in comments what banned book you’ve enjoyed and why.

5 Myths about Writers That Will Get You Smacked with a Book

I love being a writer.  I love talking about writing and its sometimes maddening accoutrements.  But I’ve discovered that you have to be careful with whom you discuss certain aspects of this most excellent and odd activity.

Odd? What a strange adjective. How could typing page after page of hallucinations for hours at a time be considered odd?

So many people subscribe to common myths about writing that I often find myself patiently (or not so patiently) debunking them, when I really want to knock them right out of people’s heads with a dictionary.  Common beliefs about writers include the following.

That we’re all drunks

Many, many, many people consume alcohol or use other substances for recreation, inspiration, or escape.  Why is this so persistent when people talk about writers?

Being an artist of any kind means you will spend most of your free time putting your innermost thoughts, dreams, ideas, and visions in tangible form for others to consume.  It has a personal element.  Rejection can hurt.  Self-doubt is rampant.  But a lot of us cope just fine with these issues and don’t need to self-medicate.

Except maybe with a little retail therapy.

Except maybe with a little retail therapy now and then.

Photo:  Elizabeth West

In On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft, Stephen King says, “Hemingway and Fitzgerald didn’t drink because they were creative, alienated, or morally weak.  They drank because it’s what alkies are wired up to do.  Creative people probably do run a greater risk of alcoholism and addiction than those in some other jobs, but so what?  We all look pretty much the same when we’re puking in the gutter.”

Well said, Mr. King.

That we’re crazy

Anyone who thinks outside the box or who has an imagination, or who is even slightly different from the accepted norm of whatever society or clique you’re talking about, is often branded with this label.  Okay yes, we enjoy looking up stuff like what sound it makes when you hit someone in the head with a hammer, but it’s research.

True mental illness is nothing to joke about.  There have been famous writers who suffered from various ailments.  But there also exist great works produced by artists with no discernible pathology.  Despite the Lord Byron quote at the end of the linked article, we’re not all crazy.

And as Chuck Wendig points out in this post, our lifestyle can make us look (and act) a little bit unusual.

That we have or will earn lots of money

Laughing Batman

Image:  knowyourmeme.com

Even Batman thinks that’s hilarious.

Writers can make a decent living if they keep more than one iron in the fire.  If you’re lucky enough to go viral, speaking fees or workshops can be quite lucrative.  Freelancers can work as independent contractors for corporations.  They can write for publications, do copywriting, grants, white papers, and proposals.

Creative writers, especially novelists, have it a bit harder.  Traditional publishing doesn’t pay very well, and most new writers don’t get million-dollar advances.  Indie authors can make more money overall these days (see this blog post by Kristine Kathryn Rusch for an illustrative breakdown of numbers), but it still takes a long time and a lot of work.  Almost every writer I know who has published one way or the other has a day job.

Acting is a good analogy.  Out of all the working actors in the entertainment business, the big moneymakers only comprise the tip of the pyramid.  And like writing, acting isn’t a steady job.  It’s freelance work.  Fame doesn’t last for most people, so you’re better off grabbing what you can get while you can get it.

It’s not easy being fabulous.

It’s not easy being fabulous.

So if you want to make money writing, diversify your income.

That we welcome advice from non-writers

Okay, here’s where I get bitchy (thanks, Vivien).  I figure skated for fifteen years.  I met tons of people during that time who had never been on the ice.  They came mostly from two camps:

  1. People who were really impressed that I skated, even though I wasn’t great at it, and who said things like, “I think it’s terrific that you do/did something so cool.”
  2. People who don’t skate but think they can coach you anyway.

Writers get number 2 a LOT.  If there is any phrase in the English language that will make me grind my teeth to nubs, it’s You know what you should do is….

Writing is a craft and it takes time to do it well.  Publishing is a complicated business.  I don’t know everything about it.  But I’ve tried to do my homework, and it chaps my britches when people who know next to nothing about it think I couldn’t possibly understand what I’m talking about.

Or that I’m being NEGATIVE when I say that a positive response to a query does not mean I’ll be able to fly first class to Europe next spring.  That’s not being negative; that’s being realistic.

If the advice is coming from someone in the actual field, then bring it on.  But someone whose aunt self-published, does not know what the word query means, or who has never written anything beyond an email is not qualified to tell you how to run your career.

I know what’s best for you, dear.  Let me handle it.

I know what’s best for you, dear.  Let me handle it.

 Image:  americanprofile.com

Family, friends, and even coworkers speak to you from a place of caring.  They want to help and show support.  Some of them cannot do this without trying to fix things or offer suggestions.  But remember, communication is a two-way street.  If you just want to vent, let them know this.  Say, “I’m not looking for advice; I just need to unload.  Can I have an ear?”

That writing isn’t work because we enjoy it

Writing a book is like doing the same homework assignment for six months.  It’s exhausting mentally because it requires intense concentration.  And physically because you’re sitting still and using your hands to perform a dexterous task (typing).

Sometimes writers have to work instead of come to the pub quiz or the girls’ night.  Sometimes they have to disappear for a few hours over the weekend or a holiday because they have a deadline or a client request or they just don’t want to lose momentum.

Yes, we love it.  We also hate it.  We want to have a drink and come eat birthday cake with you and wash dishes while drinking wine after the turkey or ham has been decimated (okay, no I don’t want to wash dishes, though I’ll take the wine).  But we have to work.

Writing

I could go on, but this post would never end and I’m sure you have things to do.  When you talk to writers about writing, ask questions.  We love to discuss what we do.  Listen to what we tell you.  If you’ve read our work, let us know you appreciate it and enjoy it.

And yes, if you’re so inclined and we are too, buy us a drink.