NaNoWriMo 2018, or Harry Potter and the Butt-in-Chair Writing Challenge

Lordy, lordy, lordy. It’s that time again. You know the one, when writers all over the country, excited and crazed, take up the challenge to write 50,000 words of a book in one month.

My last attempt at NaNoWriMo did not go well. I became deathly ill and lost so much time and momentum I flaked out and quit. Well not this time, buckaroos. I may not have a job. I may not have a place to write if I can’t find a job. But I have a plan.

Okay, it’s not much of one.

#Relatable

The Joker pantsed things, but you know me — I’m an outline gal. Yes, I wrote one. Is that the book I want to write? I’m not entirely sure. Nor am I sure if I’ll sign up officially or just chronicle it here.

My original plan from last time was to write the sequel to Tunerville. I’ve outlined it all the way through and into Book Three. Yes, I have a trilogy. But if I can’t get the first book published, there isn’t much point writing the next two, is there?

I googled “how many rejections does it take before you should give up on a book” and everyone says 80–100. Well, as of today, I’m halfway there.

Secret Book has become the trunk novel. I don’t think I want to revise that one, at least not now. It’ll keep. Meanwhile, I’ve been trying to prep as much as possible.

  • I’ve cleaned the house. No, really cleaned it. A garage sale and some Facebook Marketplace shenanigans have worked wonders. My back-breaking futon is gone and with it, a lot of crap.

Garage sales are funny things. The stuff you expect will go like hotcakes barely merits a glance, and people buy the most amazing crap. I sold a box full of old pool chemicals, an erasable address book, and a package of blank CDs left over from when I cut my own skating music. The really nice stuff didn’t sell at all. Hence turning to Farcebook.

But God, it sure was great to finally unload that stupid futon. I only bought it because I couldn’t afford a sofa. My back is so much happier. I replaced it with a platform frame for a twin mattress. It’ll do until I can afford a nice daybed frame. I like the versatility of having an extra bed and being able to stretch out while I watch TV or play on the internet machine.

That’s my TV-watching pillow in the middle. Yes, I am a child. And a nerd. Fight me.

Photo: Elizabeth West

There’s room for storage underneath, but I have less to shove beneath it now. It’s comfy AF.  I tried it with the box spring and it was WAY too high; I couldn’t reach my drink on the coffee table. It’s important for me to reach my drink, dammit.

  • I’m cooking and freezing things. Soup, quinoa patties, beans.
  • I’m doing ALL THE LAUNDRY. In spring and autumn, I like to wash all the things, like curtains, blankets, and bedspreads.

All that’s left is to figure out how to manage Thanksgiving. If I visit the fam, I may lose two writing days to driving fatigue. I’ve got at least one Friendsgiving coming up, too.

I found some great suggestions in Robbie Blair’s 2014 NaNoWriMo survival post at LitReactor. I’m especially drawn to the Thine Holy Chalice one. Since I have more room now, I might just go scour the flea market and buy something fun.

As long as this guy isn’t hanging around, I should be good.

Image: indianajones.wikia.com

You’ll get a word count here. I can’t promise a pithy post every day, as I’m still job hunting and there’s no telling what manner of work beastie I’ll drag home over the moors. I may shoot for a novella rather than a novel, depending on which direction this story in my head goes. We’ll see.

If you’re planning to do NaNoWriMo this year, feel free to share your prep tips in the comments.

Sorry, I’ve Been Away Fighting For Your Rights and Let’s Talk About Revision

*peeks*

U up?

If you follow me on Twitter, you know I’ve been spending a ton of time there tweeting about voting, Brexit, and kittens, oh my! It’s hard to think about anything else right now. Every day brings us more crazy.

In addition to that, I’ve been job hunting. Still nothing there. I’m still halfway between overqualified and underqualified for just about everything, as well as trying to figure out how to make a career change with my old pal dyscalculia. But enough about that

Been busy with this, too. Go see it before it’s out of cinemas or I will disown you.

Let’s talk about revision!

Tunerville has been copyedited a total of fifteen times. I’ve had three beta readers and two editors (thank you omg, free copy for sure). It’s the latter I want to talk about.

You may think your manuscript doesn’t need a professional look-see, but you’d be wrong. Writers who aren’t working with a publisher, you need to budget in professional editing services if you can (or furiously cultivate some friendships and your network). You cannot properly edit your own work. You just can’t. You’re too close to it.

“In writing, you must kill your darlings,” said William Faulkner, Stephen King, and this glaring white-tailed sea eagle. Believe them.

Image: Phil_Bird / freedigitalphotos.net

I just finished a massive revision of Tunerville on the advice of Editor #2. And I mean massive. We’re talking major restructuring, the painful but necessary killing of many darlings, rewrites, and even brand new scenes. I went in with a plan; it took two weeks of intense and focused work.  

Despite how exhausting it was, I LOVED IT. I love editing. I love rewriting. If you’ve been with me for a while, you know I hate writing first drafts. I wish I could just download my brain. Yes, of course my dream is to do this all the time. And to secretly be an Avenger. A grad school wisely teacher told me no amount of writing is wasted. So even if something is less than perfect, you will learn from every mission. Every encounter with an Infinity Stone will exponentially increase your power. Oh sorry, I mean every time you sit down at the computer. 

Is it better? I hope so. I probably won’t hear back until the end of August, but in the meantime, I have a lot of other work to do — and hopefully actual work to do. Unemployment is not a vacation.

Book 2 has commenced. I’m mulling over whether a grand overhaul of Secret Book is even worth it. I have two other books in notes stage. A garage sale is in the offing, in case I have to move. I’m still resisting (online, even if I can’t travel to marches).

Meanwhile, please enjoy the smooth beauty of this heirloom tomato. I grew it myself. And check your voter registration. We outnumber them, but it only works if we show up at the polls in November.

Cherokee Purple variety, if you please. A fine tomato for fresh consumption.

*shameless plug*

If you haven’t yet read my short story collection, hop on over to the Buy Me! page of this blog and download a copy for only 99 cents. Bought it and liked it? Share the link!

*addendum*
For a friend who is hotly anticipating Avengers 4 along with me because more Cap and Bucky.  :)

Dammit, Here We Are Again: Baby Prisons, Nazis, and How You Can Help

I swore not to get political on this blog anymore, but damn, that’s impossible right now. Not when the U.S. government is incarcerating babies whose parents are legally seeking asylum, and the ACLU has to sue it. Not when white supremacists and Nazi sympathizers are running things and spineless greed monsters are enabling them.

Marko is correct. A thinking, feeling human will have thoughts on this. And since art is a reflection of life and culture, and culture includes politics, guess what? You’re going to see and hear a lot of artists (many of whom are U.S. citizens, just like you) expressing their opinions. Buckle up, buttercup.

Now you might say we’re being alarmist and making too big a deal, especially when comparing the Trump administration to the Third Reich. But if you paid attention in history class, or read The Diary of Anne Frank, you might recall that death camps were not the beginning of the Holocaust. They came at the end.

First, stuff like this happened:

Jews were blamed for economic problems (sound familiar?). Basic rights and privileges were taken away from them — they had to wear a star identifying them, they had curfews, their property was confiscated, etc. They were referred to as animals, poisonous mushrooms, etc. in attempts to dehumanize them. Trump uses the same language when he says immigrants “infest” the U.S. The inference is that they’re less than human, i.e. pests, like bugs. Dehumanization allows people to do horrible things to other people, because they stop thinking of them as people.

I guarantee you know someone who thinks this way. Maybe they’re sitting next to you right now.

When detaining and deporting people singularly proved inefficient, the Third Reich stepped up its campaign. We all know what happened then.

Image: Wikipedia

And by this time, anyone who objected also became a target.

We have Holocaust survivors warning us of the parallels. Personally, I think Trump doesn’t have enough understanding of politics to become another Hitler. He does admire dictators like Russia’s Vladimir Putin and North Korea’s Kim Jong-Un, whose oppressive tactics echo those of the Third Reich, mostly because they have stuff he wants — adulation (even if forced), control, and an unrestrained ability to do whatever they like. It’s all about him, so appealing to his humanity is useless, because he cares for nobody but himself. He may not be an actual neo-Nazi, but he’s surrounded himself with people who embrace the ideology.

This morning, I went on Twitter and saw this tweet:

I got the same warning last night from a fellow writer. My dude, I am probably already on a list because I wrote a book about bank robbery. And talked to the FBI about it. And researched explosives for it.

I would never rob a bank, nor do I want to harm anyone. But I might bring about the downfall of Nazis and white supremacists. And you should too. We should all be screaming about this, because dictators do not stop persecuting people when they reach the edges of citizenry.

As for baby internment camps, they’re a thing now. Not newly fledged internment camps, mind you; detention facilities for actual babies. Didn’t see that coming, did you?

Well, fuck.

Image:  David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

It’s well known that detaining and institutionalizing children has lasting effects on their physical and mental health. That’s why we don’t have orphanages anymore. This situation poses serious dangers to them, according to doctors.

It’s important to know that this is NOT a law, and it was NOT put into place by Democrats. This is a Trump administration policy, gleefully announced by known racist and Keebler elf lookalike Attorney General Jeff Sessions. Sessions’ church has actually filed child abuse sanctions against him. They might throw him out. Good.

Things you can do to help the children and their parents:

Donate

The Refugee and Immigrant Center for Education and Legal Services (RAICES) is raising funds to help bail out ICE detainees so they can reclaim their children. Their website is experiencing huge amounts of traffic right now, but they’ve posted links where you can donate.

The American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) is involved in multiple legal proceedings to protect the rights of citizens and immigrants. You can also sign their petition at their website.

Contact your reps in Congress

Resistbot
Text RESIST to 50409 and you’ll get a text message with your representatives’ contact information, which you can use to auto-dial them. I’ve done this; it’s convenient and safe.

If you’re unsure what to say, go to 5calls.org, where you can find multiple issues and scripts for each, as well as contact info.

Register to vote

Check your registration at vote.gov. Primaries have already begun. Be sure to research candidates before casting a ballot, but right now, people are being urged to vote Dem as often as they can, to bring some balance back into Congress.

Some states have voter ID laws; if you know anyone who needs an ID, it would be great if you helped them get one. Voteriders.org has tips on how you can assist.

Vote in local and state elections, too

Checks on Trump’s edicts are happening at state levels. Governors are pulling National Guard units from borders in defiance of the separation policy. City governments have refused to end sanctuary policies. State attorney generals, too, are a bastion against Trumpian policies.

You can find election schedules by state at this link.

EXERCISE YOUR VOTE! It does count, and in some states, such as Ohio, GOP legislators have been allowed to institute purges of voter rolls for those who miss elections. The Supreme Court, stacked in favor of the GOP, disgustingly upheld it.

Volunteer to give people rides to the polls. Some folks may not have one; some might be more inclined to vote if they don’t have to drive and park.

Protest

Yes, protests work — they bring attention to causes and they show lawmakers that citizens are serious about issues and problems. MoveOn.org has a big one around ending family separation planned for June 30. Look for local groups on Facebook and other social media. Follow the rules; some cities don’t allow signs with wood sticks attached them.

Protest lawfully. We have a constitutional right to peaceful assembly. It’s not time for civil disobedience yet. If you’re new to it, you can find tips here and here.

When Trump came to my city last year, I took part in my first organized protest. I found exercising my rights an exhilarating and empowering experience. It’s not for everyone, however. If you can’t or don’t want to do it, you can share information with others.

———–

No matter what you do to resist, take time for self-care. Living in the U.S. right now is goddamn exhausting. Eat right, get plenty of sleep, and engage in meditation or other calming activities to reduce your stress levels. Mindful pauses work great if you’re at work or otherwise engaged when anxiety strikes. Take occasional breaks from social media. The outrage is real, and it’s easy to get caught up in it.

And remember to care for others. This post at everydayfeminism.com gives great tips on how intersectionality can help you and others avoid activist burnout. People who are directly affected by issues often bear the burden of advocating and educating. Ask them what you can do to help.

Remember your kids. They are hearing and seeing things that may scare them. Take the moments when they express fear to gently explain and reassure them. You can find tips on how to do this here.

Encourage teenagers to join organizations working for change if they want to (don’t force them). Teens make great activists; they’re creative, they have a lot of energy, and they’re aware that tough issues affect their futures.They don’t have to be directly affected by something to care or participate.

Emma Gonzalez and her classmates who survived the Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School shooting advocate for sensible gun control measures to prevent future tragedies.

Image credit: RHONA WISE/AFP/Getty Images/billboard.com

Above all, remember that decent people outnumber the bad ones. We can do this.

“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’ To this day, especially in times of ‘disaster,’ I remember my mother’s words and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers – so many caring people in this world.” — Fred Rogers

 

 

Molly Ringwald’s New Yorker Piece on John Hughes is Right, and Here’s Why

Recently, Molly Ringwald, a member of the popular 1980s “Brat Pack” group of young actors, wrote a piece for The New Yorker where she analyzed watching some of her old films with her daughter, notably the John Hughes vehicles that made her a star.

Ringwald rightfully pointed out how Hughes altered the face of teen films. To paraphrase, until then, actors playing teens were older; the everyday aspects of their lives were not given focus; female characters had no real efficacy. Hughes changed all that. His films were popular, funny, engaging, and those of us who watched them could identify with the characters. We saw ourselves on screen — our fears, triumphs, and foibles.

She also noted how uncomfortable it made her to view these films in the current #MeToo atmosphere. In particular, the sexually aggressive and harassing behavior of the John Bender character in The Breakfast Club could be grounds for a lawsuit today. In the film, it’s played for laughs, and Claire, Ringwald’s character, responds positively to it in the end. In Sixteen Candles, Farmer Ted’s deal to return a classmate’s pair of underpants for a chance at an unconscious (and non-consenting) woman is equally problematic in light of our newly awakened sense of how women in 2018 are still treated as if they aren’t quite human.

Sexy anti-hero and “criminal” John Bender, played by Judd Nelson.

Image: thebreakfastclub.wikia.com

In those days, behavior like Bender’s (and in real life, Harvey Weinstein’s) was ubiquitous. Pushback was rare. Nobody talked about consent. In most of these films, men, or boys, did have all the power. The female characters existed as a means to an end (status) or offered an end in themselves (the quest to get laid as seen in Porky’s). Getting the girl one had a crush on was a major achievement that implied a woman can be acquired like a coveted object or trophy.

I think Ringwald made a good case for viewing these things as debatable. They always have been, but for some reason, perhaps self-preservation or internalized misogyny, many women who grew up during that time did not view them as such. I’ve already seen pushback on her article in my own circles. A notable example came from a male writer I know, who stated that he saw Hughes’ portrayals of teenagers as semi-authentic for the time, and that Ringwald doesn’t speak for everyone.

Of course, they were authentic. And Ringwald does point that out. But when does nostalgia become a reason to dismiss acknowledgment that these characters exhibit attitudes we no longer wish to entertain? Society evolves and the things we took for granted then absolutely should make us uncomfortable now.

I have the same feelings as Ringwald when I read some young adult (YA) literature from that era. In my own personal library, which contains a large amount of YA and children’s literature largely because I have a horror of discarding books, I had one from a library book sale called A Different Kind of Love (1985)Protagonist Elizabeth, nicknamed Weeble, is a fourteen-year-old girl in a single-parent family whose visiting uncle’s affections become inappropriate.

Author Michael Borich deals with something we don’t often think or talk about when discussing child molestation — that being touched and held and in turn, loved, feels good. That it’s possible for a child who is being victimized to have affection for an abuser. And that abuse often comes from people we feel we should trust or love, and how difficult and confusing that can be for victims, and why it’s so hard for them to speak up.

Reading it did make me squirm, mostly because the adults, though concerned, are so blasé about the situation. At the time of publication, teachers were not mandated reporters, so a trusted educator in whom Weeble confides does nothing more than advise her. Her mother kicks her brother out of the house (good), but no one calls the police. And though Borich declines to explore it, the mother’s first reaction is a common one in molestation cases where a family member is involved: disbelief.

Though some might think dated materials can be safely retired, I think it’s fine to use them for a larger discussion. I did end up ultimately discarding the book in the interest of space. But in my mind, I’ve moved forward from that time along with society. I know if I have children that talking to them about Weeble’s confusing feelings and the proper adult reactions, whether I use her as an example or not, would have to be part of that particular discussion.

And I would let them watch Hughes’ films, once they’re old enough to understand and talk about them. Ringwald makes mention of racism and homophobia in Hughes’ writing; it’s there, and it’s obvious. Hughes was both progressive and backward, and this uneven dichotomy shows glaringly in his treatment of exchange student Long Duk Dong in Sixteen Candles.

Yes, Long Duk Dong was a horrible Asian stereotype. Even his name is a racist joke. In contrast, we have his sexy girlfriend Marlene, a character referred to as “Lumberjack” (Deborah Pollack) because she’s taller — and thus less desirable — than the prom queens. Lumberjack is athletic, strong, and confident. She takes no shit and goes after the boy she likes. She’s also affectionate and in touch with her desires. She’s the best character in the film.

Debbie Pollack and Gedde Watanabe in Sixteen Candles (1984)

Image: imdb.com

I can’t blame Gedde Watanabe for playing The Donger; at the time, few non-caricature roles for Asian actors existed.  Despite this and Samantha’s father referring to his oldest daughter’s fiancé as “an oily bohunk,” a slur used to refer to people of Hungarian or Slavic descent, I don’t think these films should be binned. In addition to Lumberjack’s positive portrayal, the targeted audience of this film found much to identify with in Samantha’s family dynamics and her attempts to navigate a crush on the cutest boy in school.

In closing, Ringwald writes:

John wanted people to take teens seriously, and people did. The films are still taught in schools because good teachers want their students to know that what they feel and say is important; that if they talk, adults and peers will listen. I think that it’s ultimately the greatest value of the films, and why I hope they will endure. The conversations about them will change, and they should. It’s up to the following generations to figure out how to continue those conversations and make them their own—to keep talking, in schools, in activism and art—and trust that we care.

My writer friend can discount the misogyny in Hughes’ films because as a man, he never had to deal with it. We’re not too disparate in age and we both grew up with these attitudes. It took time for me to parse my own internalization and discard them. I still enjoy the films too and I understand where he’s coming from. It’s hard not to romanticize the past, but we also have to recognize the tarnished aspects of it.

Ringwald’s instinct to watch her films with her children is a good one. So is her desire to initiate a discussion involving the elements that have changed or evolved over time. No, we no longer feel that sexual harassment is funny or entertaining. Yes, you’re right to feel uneasy about it, and here’s why. If kids today can recognize that when they watch the films, and parents are engaging them on these topics, then we’re on the right path to a more respectful society. John Hughes’ films can serve as a tool to get us there.

NaNoWriMo 2017: Well That Didn’t Go to Plan

As you might have guessed by the sporadic total in the Book 2 word counter, NaNoWriMo did not go very well for me this year.

I started out grounded, my pace good, running a steady clip. At one point, I hit that sweet spot where the more you write, the more you want to write. I know the story; it’s outlined and notes go all the way to the end of Book 3.

 

She’s way out in front! Look at her go!

Image:  skeeze / Pixabay

 

And then . . . the cold germ hit.

The last few years, my one or two annual misères have been pathetic copies of colds, of no real significance, and gone in just a few days. This one, however, was not. My immune system couldn’t handle it.

I had no fever. My throat felt as if I’d swallowed a sea urchin, my bones ached, and my constant sneezes could have powered a small steam engine. I don’t know what manner of critter it was or from whence it came, but it slapped me around like a little bitch.

Eventually I recovered, though I’d lost a solid week and my momentum. I was forced to watch all four series of Luther on Netflix to regain my strength (although Idris Elba nearly took it away again—yowza). Besides the Cold from Planet X, this tweet sums up what it’s been like trying to write lately:

 

 

But Book 2 is still a thing. And I’m still hunting for a home for Tunerville so all that work on the trilogy isn’t a total waste of time.

I’ve also been making notes for two other projects I’ll call Invasion and Petit Trianon (and that’s all you’re getting).  Both need a bit of research. Petit Trianon will require another trip to London, most likely. When, I have no idea, but I hope it’s soon, because I miss it. In a perfect world, I could afford to go at least once a year.

 

Such hardship, being forced to return to my sweet love. #NOT

Image:  12019 / Pixabay

 

I heard about a neat trick to power through first drafts. Taking the delete key off the keyboard seems to help some people.  I should remove the backspace key as well, though the thought of not being able to fix a spelling mistake freezes my very soul. Still, worth a try, especially since I’m thinking about writing Invasion concurrently with Book 2. That should be fun if I get a new job soon.

 

 

Meanwhile, Christmas will come in a little over a week and I have presents to make, in addition to all this writing. I’ll try to make it back here before the new year, but if I don’t, enjoy your holiday. Let’s hope we’re all still here by this time next year.

 

All I want for Christmas is indictments. #MuellerClaus

 

We Interrupt This Writing Blog to Talk About Learning Disabilities

Apparently, people don’t understand the learning disability I have. So here are a few facts.

It won’t be hard; I promise.

Image: Pixabay / zmescience.com

I have dyscalculia. It’s a bit like dyslexia, of which you may have heard, only with mathematics and numbers instead of reading and letters. People have it to varying degrees. Mine leans toward severe, enough to interfere with daily life and my ability to do certain kinds of jobs.

Symptoms vary (see the link), but some of mine include:

  • Can’t retain math processes. I struggled to grasp them and would forget them after being shown.
  • Can’t keep score during games. This is why I don’t do it when we go bowling, guys.
  • It’s hard to make change and handle money. Me and a cash drawer that has to be balanced do not get along.
  • I have trouble figuring how long something will take, or how much time is needed to get somewhere–I’m frequently either early or late.
  • Everyone who skated with me knows it took me ages to learn choreography. And, if we moved an ice show to the opposite rink after I’d already choreographed my program, it took a monumental effort to re-orient myself to the flipped setting. Since we never knew if this would happen, I coped by learning to choreograph in ways that didn’t depend so much on facing the audience. It got easier with time, though since I no longer skate, it’s irrelevant now.
  • I have a hard time recognizing patterns. In music school, I never learned key signatures despite daily drilling. Sight reading was a nightmare made flesh. If a composer inverted a chord, I could not read it. I just sidestepped and did everything by ear.
  • I can use Excel but not create a spreadsheet, because I don’t grasp the mathematics in formulas or how to apply them to a formula. You can’t use a calculator either if you don’t know what data to enter.
  • Division and fractions–nope. Word problems–nope. I don’t understand what processes to apply in a word problem. If you think you don’t do this in real life, just try to estimate mileage on a trip sometime.
  • If I don’t remember your name, I’m sorry; just keep reminding me until I remember. I will eventually. Sometimes I get it right off, sometimes not. But I won’t forget your face.
  • Never ask me to do math in my head. If I even could, it would take much longer than if you just whipped out your phone and used the calculator yourself.

It takes much, much longer to learn simple math equations. For more than twenty years, I carried a tip table in my wallet. I did finally learn how to figure percentages–by multiplying the amount times the percentage (after moving the decimal two places to the right)–but it took me that long to grasp it.

I can ONLY do it on a calculator and ONLY this way. If you tried to show me a different method, you would break my brain (just don’t). I can estimate a tip now. What a brilliant day when I finally threw that ragged old tip table in the bin!

Along with dyscalculia, I have a touch of dyspraxia as well. I have trouble with both fine and gross motor control. These conditions are often co-morbid, meaning they occur together.

  • I whack myself on all sorts of things. And trip. It’s hilarious.
  • I had a hell of a time with choreography when skating or dancing due to the dyscalculia, but I also had trouble actually performing certain movements or elements.
  • It took me ages to learn to whistle. Also, I could not blow a bubble with gum until well after my peers learned. My siblings made fun of me for this, but there was an actual, literal reason why I couldn’t.
  • Skating improved my balance, but I still often leaned too far over or not enough.
  • My handwriting starts out neat and gets bigger and less legible as I go.
  • Cross stitch is easy but learning to knit has been an ordeal, and I’ve given up on crochet.

In essence, I have a hidden disability. You can’t see it. You would only know if I told you.

Things not to say to someone with a learning disability:

But you don’t look like you have a learning problem!

Oh I’m sorry; is THIS what I’m supposed to look like?

You can do X; why can’t you do Y?

Because it doesn’t affect all my functions. Please don’t dismiss my explanation; I know my limitations and what I’m capable of much better than you because I’ve lived with it my entire life.

Oh, I have trouble with algebra (or calculus); I must have it too.

You can do calculus? That’s marvelous, because I don’t even know what it fecking is.

You’re just saying that to get out of doing X.

When I screw up your payroll, you’ll never say this to me again.

Oh, I could teach you!

If you are not a certified special education teacher or education therapist, I doubt it. I’ve worked with these folks and it didn’t help much. It probably needed to happen when I was a child.

Dyscalculia and dyspraxia are static conditions. This means I’m stuck with them for life. There will always be things I cannot do. I can never get a job with accounting or statistics. Although I love science, I can never do that kind of work. Despite many attempts, I was never able to learn to play the piano.

Especially not like this!

Image: YouTube

Early intervention might have resulted in a better outcome for me. However, at the time, educators remained unaware of these conditions and had even more trouble identifying them in an otherwise intelligent student, especially one who seemed gifted in other areas. Teachers frequently told me I was lazy, or unmotivated, or accused me of not liking math. Well yes, most people dislike things they can’t do.

But these issues don’t affect my intelligence. I regularly outperformed my peers in spelling, writing, and verbal ability tests. I read at a twelfth-grade level in second grade. I don’t have speech issues, which can occur with dyspraxia. I don’t have ADHD. I’m a whiz at writing procedural documents–I’ve had to develop this skill in order to learn sequential processes I need to do at work. I can write novels.

I’m not just my disability. Nobody is.

——————–

Read more:

What Is an Invisible Disability?

Early Intervention: What It Is and How It Works

Support and Resources for Adults with LD — Learning Disabilities Association of America

It’s Time for Sexual Assault Survivors, Including Me, to Name Names

The recent flood of sexual assault revelations from numerous victims regarding known predators and once-cherished idols in politics and entertainment have been hard for me. I was disappointed and grieved when Scott Brunton came forward to accuse George Takei. And just today, Senator Al Franken’s past caught up with him.

I’ve loved George ever since I first saw Star Trek as a young child. I’ve stood steadfastly behind his efforts to secure equality for my LGBTQ loved ones and to present the story of the Japanese internment of WWII through the Allegiance musical.  I cheered when he was finally able to marry the man he loved, husband Brad Takei.

I bought a ticket to the December 7 showing of Allegiance in the cinema before all this emerged. It would be my third viewing. I’m torn. I hate to cancel because I loved this musical. The entire cast did phenomenal work, and the music is wonderful. Should I again shed tears in the theater, however, there may be added subtext this time.

And Al? Saturday Night Live Al? Our champion in the decaying halls of a wolfish Congress bent on devouring our democracy? Sadly, he is all too human.

I can’t stay silent any longer.

Why is this so hard? Because I too am a survivor. My first perpetrator was a director at the Christian summer camp I attended while I was in high school. One day, while we all sat in the dining hall listening to announcements, he groped me.

I remember it like it happened yesterday. The shift of the picnic table bench as his weight settled behind me. My peripheral awareness of his presence—of no consequence, not yet. The light touch under my arm, and the sudden pressure of his fingers on the side of my breast. The sense of shock, of feeling frozen, unable to move or indicate to anybody what was happening to me.

His wife and young daughter had accompanied him to camp. I remember standing in front of them in a group not long after, wondering, Why? Why did he do this? Am I the only one? And, for one surging, tormented moment, What would happen if I spoke up now, in front of everyone, in front of his wife? I ultimately decided I would not. The realization of how things really were sunk deep into me—he had power and I did not. No one would believe me.

Over the years, I’ve tried to make sense of it. I’ve wondered if I misunderstood. I’ve come to the conclusion that I did not. It wasn’t a quiet touch on the shoulder from an affectionate mentor. Nor was it invited or encouraged. It forever shattered my tenuous illusion of safety regarding adults and authority figures. From that day forward, no report of sexual impropriety regarding any teacher, church leader, or public figure ever truly surprised me again. I knew the ugly truth.

His name was James Greene. We campers called him Jimmy. To my knowledge, nobody saw what he did that day in 1982. As far as I know, he’s still alive and probably doesn’t even remember it. Or maybe he does but he just doesn’t care. Or worse, mired in a twisted hypocritical version of Christian faith like so many people these days, he wouldn’t see anything wrong with it. After all, I had technically reached the age of consent.

But I didn’t consent. He had no reason to do what he did, and yet he did it anyway.

At college, I was raped by a fellow student named Doug Botham. He did not take my resistance seriously and traumatized me so severely that I blocked out the incident for an entire year. I’ve written about this one before, but until now, I didn’t name my attacker. It left me with lasting effects that I’ve worked hard to overcome but which still haunt me even today.

I didn’t consent. I said no, I don’t want to, and he did not stop.

I’ve no idea what became of Doug. Most likely, he too has forgotten. Many men like him don’t even realize they’re rapists. Our culture allows it. The same camp where Jimmy assaulted me later harbored another predator, who is now in prison for his crimes. They were apparently sued over it. They’re still operating, still emphasizing their religious ethic. And so the cycle continues.

I fought long and hard with myself over publishing this post. The bar is still much higher for sexual assault and rape victims than for their perpetrators. But I’ve held these feelings inside, covered these men’s names and my wounds, for too long. The time has come.

I harbor no desire for compensation or revenge. An apology? If I were Scott Brunton, that’s what I would want. Not an I’m sorry you feel that way, not the braggadocio of Louis C.K.’s excuses, but a real, heartfelt I did it, it was wrong, and I regret it. And I am sorry.

I’d like that too. Though if even a few people examine their deeds and their consciences, if it stops even one from offending again, I will be content.

We’re facing a true cultural shift here, one long overdue. For years, we’ve scoffed at victims and played sexual assault for laughs. Prison rape, men chasing scantily clad women around the room, jokes about secretaries and the Hollywood casting couch.

The victims who sat watching and silently suffering, too afraid to come forward for fear of ridicule or persecution, were not laughing. Even if we pretended not to take it seriously, inside we experienced trauma all over again. It’s past time we exposed harassment and exploitation for what they truly are. We need to put an end to rape culture so the women and men who have been so deeply wounded and betrayed can finally heal.

The sick disappointment, the disillusionment, as these incidents come to light, is exhausting and triggering. It breaks my heart to think that men I looked up to could ever have done something like this. None of us are perfect. We all experience lapses in judgment, some of them grave. I know also that fame can draw people who seek to manipulate and exploit. But most assault victims have nothing to gain and everything to lose by coming forward. They rarely lie.

Everyone loved Jimmy. Everyone loved George. We all loved Al. I must give the accusers of these men the benefit of the doubt. I can’t do any less because I wouldn’t want anyone to do any less for me.

I dont work in Hollywood. I’m just a writer with several unpublished novels to my name. I don’t have many followers and not a lot of reach. I’m not an activist or an influencer. I deal in words, and I want to use them to speak the truth for those who can’t.

To all survivors reading this, I believe you. I’m not alone and neither are you. You are strong. We are strong. This will never happen to me again, because I won’t let it. And I will fight like hell see that those who harmed us are held accountable.

Even if it’s someone I trusted.

———-

If you need to talk, call the National Sexual Assault Hotline 24/7 at 1-800-656-4673.

More resources at the National Sexual Violence Resource Center.

National Suicide Prevention Hotline:  1-800-273-8255.  UK: Call Samaritans 116 123 (free call).

Learn more about rape and sexual assault at RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network).

NaNoWriMo 2017 Update

Hey all, I’m still around and still working on Book 2. I’ve gotten behind on my word count due to a nasty, vicious cold, and I’ve been unable to write for a few days. It started with the sore throat from Hell and has now progressed to sneezing and coughing.

Basically me trying to do anything since Wednesday.

Image: spongebob.wikia.com

I decided not to post here every day, just in case I suddenly find a job, so I’d have a little breathing room. (Nothing yet; I did have an interview so fingers crossed.)

However, if you noticed, I’ve posted updates on the word counter at the top left of my home page. I’m up to 9,285 words.  A dismal count by NaNoWriMo standards, though it’s actually not going too badly. My first draft sucks, but they all do. Yes, I am cheating–I did take some prewritten bits and work around them. You know me. I never do anything quite the way I’m supposed to.

I’m tricksy like that.

Image: movieweb.com

I’m feeling better today. I’ve taken this time to work on improving my first pages in Tunerville and tidying up my post-edit revision. Meanwhile, my Wolverine-like healing powers have begun to work on this cold.

I will keep you up to date. *HACK* to work!

NaNoWriMo 2017: See You on the Other Side

First order of business–thanks to all who bought a copy of The Shiny Folk and other stories. I hope you enjoyed them. The money from the October sales will be on its way to Unidos soon. The book will still be available on the Buy Me page.

It’s almost November, and you know what that means, fellow writers and writing nerds. It’s nearly time for NaNoWriMo!

For chronic non-link clickers, NaNoWriMo, or National Novel Writing Month, happens in November. The goal is to write 50,000 words in 30 days. That’s around 1,700 words a day, roughly.

I’m a rebel.  I use NaNoWriMo to finish things. Technically, you’re supposed to start from scratch, but hell, I do what I want.

Yeah, I’m drinking milk out of the bottle. Fight me, bro!

Image: Ambro/freedigitalphotos.net

Since I didn’t get very far with Camp NaNo this past summer, thanks to some incredibly stupid distractions, I shall finish Book Two of the Tunerville trilogy.  While simultaneously revising Book One, which I just got back from a paid developmental edit.

I expect to be a complete mess before the month is over. I’m unemployed at the moment, but if I get a job before NaNo starts (or worse, during it), it’s going to be crazy. So even though I’m a veteran, I’ve been checking out resources like this LitReactor article by Robbie Blair on how to prep for the challenge.

And here’s one by Leah McClelland on SimpleWriting.org with tips on how to organize your household so you have maximum writing time. If you’re tempted to join the madness and you have a family, prepping beforehand will be critical.

It’s not necessary to sign up–if you’ve been with me for a while, you know I do it on my own, usually. I did sign up formally once and I even have a friend who facilitates a local NaNo group. But I don’t write well in a room full of people; that triggered my anxiety and I didn’t get much done.

The Book Two word counter is in my sidebar already. You can watch that climb if you want. I’ll probably try to post every day in November too. Reporting to you will keep me accountable. I have an outline, so I’m nearly ready to roll.  A bit of world-building in my notes, and I should be good.

If you’re doing NaNo too, stop by here or catch me on Twitter and let us know how it’s going. For now, I’m going to enjoy my last night of freedom with a fish taco, a spooky pumpkin, and a scary movie.  Happy Halloween!

Photo: Elizabeth West

 

I Made an E-Book and You Can Help Hurricane Victims With It

So I made a little e-book, y’all!  And you can help hurricane victims in Puerto Rico with it!

Through October 25, I’m donating 100% of all sales I get, no matter how big or small (hopefully big), to the Hispanic Federation’s Unidos program.

Just go to the brand-new Buy Me page on this site to purchase the e-book (click the link, or it’s at the top on the main menu). You get some stories; the Hispanic Federation gets some money to help people in Puerto Rico; it’s all good.

If you like the book or you think someone else will, please share widely! And thank you!

If you want to make a personal donation to help people impacted by the recent natural disasters, you can also choose One America Appeal, a fund set up for hurricane victims in Texas, Florida, and the Caribbean by all five living former U.S. presidents. Or donate to Oxfam America, which has stepped up in the face of this administration’s inadequate response. You can also give to earthquake relief for Mexico through the Hispanic Federation’s link.