Category Archives: Blogging A-Z April Challenge 2010

Freak Out, Baby!

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Gah!  I was going to write about freshness today, but Anne Mini beat me to it!  Check out her excellent post here and read her blog, Author! Author! She has lots to say and what isn’t directly useful is highly entertaining.

So, on a suggestion from a commenter about a word I used in my last post, I’ll tackle freaking.  No, there isn’t some naughty connotation there; I mean as in freaking out, losing your cool, blowing your top, going ballistic, etc.  Who among us hasn’t had a moment where everything narrows to a point and the slightest tip is enough to push us over the edge?  The freakout moment could be a scary one, such as “Where did my kid go?” or one that makes you angry, like terrible service in a restaurant.

It seems more and more people are choosing to flip out rather than calmly state their grievance to relevant parties.  A rejection garners a vicious blog post, someone keys a car parked too close to the line, and recently there have been a rash of incidents where someone called 911 because they didn’t get pickles on their burger, or some such nonsense.

Why do people do this?  Is it the lousy economy, pushing everyone to that tipping point?  Have we turned into great big spoiled entitlement babies to match our ever-increasing body size?  Is the instant gratification of the Internet to blame?

Whatever the reason, freaking out isn’t the best way to handle conflict in your life.  I know, because I’m quite prone to it and everyone around me knows it.  Frustration is a big trigger for me.  If I can’t finish my work, for example, because the Internet has gone down in the middle of researching the mating habits of South American sea monkeys for my diver character’s mortal peril scene, I’m apt to take a great big bite out of the nearest person/place/thing.   But honestly, what good is it?

Doctors and mental health professionals have always advised people to stay calm and not freak out, claiming it’s not good for the heart, it shortens lifespans and keeps you angrier overall.  New research has come to light, however, suggesting that cursing when you hit your thumb with the hammer can actually reduce the pain you feel.  I know yelling makes me feel better (even though the people around me don’t like it), but it doesn’t solve the initial problem.

Constant, unrelenting stress does have adverse effects on the body:

  • High blood pressure
  • Sleep disturbances
  • Decreased immunity to colds, etc.
  • Depression and/or suicide (WARNING!!! If you are contemplating suicide, please get help immediately.  Depression is treatable and suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem!)
  • Substance abuse
  • Ulcers
  • Eating disorders leading to obesity/malnutrition

How can you temper the effects of stress and keep from freaking out, especially when a solution to the situation is not forthcoming?

  • Take a deep breath in through your nose, and blow it out slowly through your mouth.  Do this several times.  It is physically impossible to remain agitated while doing this, because it slows your breathing and pulse.   A therapist I know said, “As you exhale, imagine you are blowing out a candle in the corner.”  I used to use this for pain control, and it works.  Once you’ve calmed down a bit, then you can focus.
  • If the problem doesn’t require immediate attention, put it out of your mind for a while.  Refuse to think about it until you can sit down and go over the pros and cons of that decision you have to make or the revisions your agent or editor sent you.  I used to get really mad when my writing professor would mark up my papers, but I realized he was just trying to help me improve my work, not decimate my opinion of myself.
    • Making a list divided into two columns—one side good, the other bad—is a great tool to help you think through a problem, worry or decision.
  • If you must deal with the problem right away, try to go with your initial instinct.  It’s usually the best one.  Don’t second-guess yourself.   Now I don’t advise smacking your smarmy boss right in the mouth when he rails at you.  That’s not what I mean by first instinctual action!
  • Take time out to pamper yourself.   You don’t have to spend money to do it.  A little alone time in the tub, the garden or out of the office/your house works wonders.  Take a walk if the weather is nice; it’s good for your health, too.   Spend some time on a silly website you enjoy.  Play a game, have a (small!) bowl of ice cream, it doesn’t matter.  Pick something that relaxes you.

If you have any remedies for relieving the freakouts, please share them in the comments.

Eeeeee!!!

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Today’s post was brought to you by the letter E, the number 5 (as in o’clock) and the sheer desperation of someone who is already freaking over this blog challenge and she’s only on the fifth letter of the alphabet!

I made a list of e’s and put the alphabet after each one.  Then I thought up a word for each letter pairing and put my definition.  Enjoy!

Easter – a holiday on which you may choose not to write (or you can use writing as an excuse to escape your screaming family).

Ebert – Roger, a film critic who will let you know if the movie version of your novel stank.

Echoes – what you hear in your head when you have writer’s block.

Editing – what you have to do before an editor does it.  See also Editors – people who will make you rip your hair out but will ultimately make your writing better.

Eek – what you say when you realize you just emailed a query without your phone number in your signature line.

Efficacy – your effectiveness, your sense of how capable you are.  Build it by eliminating the negative thoughts in your noggin!

Egregious – as in behavior:  what some writers engage in when they become famous.

Eh! – an interjection you should utter when a rejection arrives, before you send the piece right back out again.

Eidetic – a photographic memory.  Writers should cultivate great powers of observation and remember what they see and hear, for use in their work.

Eject – the button you press to make the DVD come out.  You know, the one you’ve been watching instead of working?

EKG – electrocardiogram, which the doctor will use on you when you get that call saying “Your book just sold for a ton of money!”

Elves – fantasy creatures of great power and beauty; Tolkien set the bar for elves and no one since has topped him.

Email – a great way to save on postage.

End – what happens when you’re done telling the story.

Eon – how long it takes for submissions to receive a reply.

Epilator – something you use to remove the beard you grew waiting for an agent to get back to you on a query.

Equine – pertaining to horses, who are very calming beasts.  Pet one when you are feeling stressed.

Error – a mistake in your manuscript that you won’t see until you’ve already sent it out.

Escape – what writing is for some people.

Ether – an anesthetic, to be used when trying to work on your financial information.

Euphemisms – what we say when we don’t want to say what we want to say.

Everyone – will tell you you’re not a writer but a hobbyist.  Don’t listen to them.

Eww – what you say when you spill coffee on your pages.

Extras – little things you can put in your story to make it more fun:  hidden references, unique details and sparkling descriptions.

Eyesore – the word your spouse/significant other/family will call your messy desk and overflowing shelves of reference books.

EZ – what writing definitely is not.

Duh…

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Why are people so dumb?

We have dumb criminals, dumb politicians, and dumb kids.  Our bosses are dumb, and so are our coworkers (at least in our opinions).  Other drivers are dumb.  There are ridiculous books, dumb movies and idiotic TV shows, which dumb people purchase and watch.

How many times have you seen a news story detailing someone’s ill-thought-out mishap and said to yourself, “What a dummy!”?  How many times have you heard the same story and said “What could I do with a character like that?”

A very enjoyable film, Idiocracy, came out in 2006 that showed the protagonist, a time-traveler of normal intelligence, transported 500 years into a future where everyone was hopelessly stupid and he was the smartest man in the world.  It was an attempt at lampooning the dumbing-down of American society and the corporate intrusion into every aspect of daily life.  People are using it as an example of where we’re headed.  The writer/s got a lot of mileage out of the concept and created some memorable stupid characters, including Frito Pendejo (Spanish for dumbass), the protagonist’s reluctant sidekick, and the hilariously over-the-top U.S. President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho.

Not everyone in life can be a rocket scientist.  A mix of characters adds variety to your story and can even be the catalyst that drives your plot forward.  Here are some ways stupid characters can be played in your fiction:

  • For laughs.  Take Idiocracy.  We laugh at stupid people or situations because it makes us feel superior.  The humor in the film tempers the warning that our society is allowing our brainpower to diminish by letting dumb things take over completely.  Because we’re laughing, we keep watching and the message sinks in.  Without the silliness of Frito and the President and the exaggerated Costco store the size of a city, a book with the same message would be heavy-handed and unpalatable.   In this case, it’s sort of a double entendre.  The dumb characters are stand-ins for our future selves but since they are funny, it doesn’t sting.
  • Dramatic effect or pathos.  [WARNING! SPOILER!] John Steinbeck’s novel Of Mice and Men is probably the best-known literary example.  George and Lennie are traveling companions, migrant workmen who go where the jobs are.  Lennie is “simple,” and George worries over him constantly.  When Lennie does something horrific, George must deal with it harshly and decides to kill Lennie both to save him from vengeance and to divest himself of the responsibility.  Because we have grown to like Lennie and his terrible deed is truly an accident, George’s solution is heartwrenching.  We feel as bad for him as we do for the hapless Lennie.
  • Contrast.  A really dumb character makes everyone else look smarter.   A sidekick who always gets in trouble gives the hero a chance to preen as he saves his buddy.  A stupid assistant will blindly help his evil scientist master and never realize what he is about to do.  In books and films involving child protagonists, adults are often seen as useless, lumbering fools, blind to their children’s predicaments, or absent entirely.  Stephen King’s IT is a good example of this, although the adults are as much victims of the Pennywise character as the kids.  As the child protagonists grow older, they forget much of what happened the summer they battled Derry’s evil sewer-dwelling clown.  Although this can be attributed to blocking out traumatic events, King implies that adulthood comes with a lessening of the purity and power they possessed as kids, which helped them defeat the monster.
  • To advance the plot.   The old guy who pokes the meteor with a stick and inadvertently becomes the Blob’s first victim is a classic dumb character.   He’s the one you love to yell at in the movie theater: “Get away from there!”  Of course he never does, and the beast is loose in the innocent small town.

It’s fun to write a MacGyver-like character who can get himself out of any spot with an encyclopedic brain and a Mythbuster’s inventiveness.  What a great hero that is.  A less likely hero would be someone whose knowledge is limited, but whose spirit is unconquerable.  Experiment with the dumb character, who might not be so dumb once he’s become your own.

If you have any examples of enjoyably silly, annoyingly hilarious or heartwarmingly triumphant dumb characters, please share them in the comments.

Cohabitation: A Guide to Domestic Living (for the Boyz)

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Today’s letter is C, and the word is cohabitation. The following is an article inspired by the lovely ladies of the SST chat room, during a discussion about relationships.  We tried really hard not to man-bash.  And this is much better than the lame post I started earlier about courage and writing, I promise. Thanks to Lieserl for her suggestion!

So you want to move in with a woman? Congratulations; you’ve managed to fool someone into actually wanting to see you in the morning!  Every day!  You either look pretty good, she’s hypnotized, or you’ve mastered the art of sneaking into the bathroom first!

Let’s hope you’re not doing this because you’re after her bank account, you need a place to hide from the feds or you’re a lazy bastard who wants someone to take care of him.  And it’s probably not a good idea to move in with someone you’ve only known for three weeks.

If you’re going to move in with a woman, you need to learn some rules first.

  • PUT THE DAMN SEAT DOWN.  Every time.  Get used to it because she will NOT like you if she keeps falling in.
  • She is not your maid; she is your girlfriend.  If you want a maid, hire one.  Women are not here to wait on your stupid ass.  Pick up your mess!  Help out around the house.  Do the dishes, take out the trash (a traditional manly chore), do the laundry, make dinner once in a while.  Even better, if you want to get some, do it without being asked.  Women love that.
  • More people break up over money than anything else.  You need to sit down and agree about the division of bills, rent and groceries.  Be responsible.  You spend all the food money on the latest PS3 game and you’re eating the cat’s dinner.  I wouldn’t blame her one bit.
  • If you’re dating a woman long-term and you’re living together, don’t act like it means nothing to you just to show how manly you are.  The first time you forget to introduce her to someone or call her “the old ball and chain,” she is going to be pissed.  I mean royally.  This is the person you have chosen to spend most of your time with, so be considerate.
  • Running late? Let her know so she can adjust her own plans.  You know how she always texts you to tell you where she’s going so you can find her if you need to?  Do the same thing.  Unless she’s a jealous bitch, in which case I don’t know why you’re bothering, she wants to know because she cares whether you’re stuck in traffic or dead in a ditch.  If you’re dead, then she gets the PS3.
  • It’s fine for you to have a night out with your boys, but don’t abuse the privilege.  She moved in (or let you move in with her) because she wants to spend time with you, not sit in front of the TV alone, stare at her watch and wonder for the fifth weekend in a row why she thought this was a good idea.
  • Couples who are together for a long while sometimes get bored or boring in the bedroom.  Mix it up a bit.  Try to think of new activities.  Women take longer to become fully aroused than men, so take your time.  The more she thinks you are focused on her, the happier she’ll be and the more chances you’ll get.  It’ll be better for you too.  Trust me.
  • Remember your girl has feelings, and they will run the gamut.  Now that you’re living together, she’ll feel free to let them go and you may see things you never saw before.  What happens when something breaks.  How tired she really is after work, with no time to get it together before you show up.  The first time you witness her full-blown PMS.  A great boyfriend will take it in stride and nurture her when she needs it.  If she cries over a movie, please refrain from saying “F***’s wrong with you?”
  • Breaking up is harder when you’re living together, because one or both of you will have to move.  This may happen to you.  No state I know has community property laws governing domestic living arrangements that don’t include marriage, so be cool about shared stuff.  You’ll have to work it out without the benefit of the courts.

You were decent to her when you got together or she wouldn’t be with you, so be decent if you break up.  She’ll remember that.  Word gets around and unless you cheated or did something equally heinous, your gentlemanly behavior will follow you.

People in a healthy, positive relationship bring out the best in each other.  You’re an adult in an adult relationship, so act like one.

Be Good or Be Gone

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Today’s topic is business behavior.  Creative writers might mutter, “Why do I have to know about business etiquette? I’m a fiction writer.  I don’t write for corporations or marketers.”  Well, yes you do.  A publisher is a business.  So is the agency that represents you.  Just because you’re an artist or craftsperson doesn’t give you permission to be unprofessional in your demeanor when dealing with these people.  And if you’re a freelancer, your behavior will win or lose you clients.

The general rules of good business behavior incorporate communication and presentation.  Writing is a business like any other, and writers would do well to remember them.

  • Dress appropriately.  If you work from home, a dress code probably isn’t necessary, but for appointments and meetings you should wear something polished and classy.  Once when I was a kid, I asked my mother why we dressed up for church.  God doesn’t care what I wear, I argued, so why can’t I wear shorts?  She replied that sloppy clothes were disrespectful.  Now God isn’t signing my paycheck, but the same rule applies.  If I showed up to a meeting in raggy shorts or jeans and a t-shirt, sneakers and no makeup, the implication is that I can’t be bothered.  That won’t make anyone eager to deal with me.
  • Be on time.  Don’t be late for appointments and don’t miss deadlines.  If you must, call.  A phone call shows more personal care than an email or text.
  • Don’t make it hard to find you.  Make sure your contact information is at the bottom of your email, and speak it clearly when you leave a voice mail.  If someone calls you and leaves a message, return their call in a timely manner.  Their time is as valuable as yours and it’s rude to keep people waiting.  If they need an update on something and you don’t have one, don’t ignore them.  At least let them know there is no change.
  • Manners.  Be polite like your mommy said.  Say “please” and “thank you” and “excuse me.”  Don’t be rude back to thoughtless people; answering poor behavior with your own only makes you sink to that level.  Dealing with clients and customers can be infuriating, but they are your bread and butter.  Try to see their side of things before making any snap judgments.

A common saying is “The customer is always right.”  I don’t think that is true.  There are some customers who, no matter what you do, will never be satisfied or always demand something extra out of a sense of entitlement.  If it’s too stressful or expensive to deal with them, remember you can fire your customers.  You have no obligation to do business with them, especially if they don’t pay their bills or are underhanded in some way.   If you must let them go, do so respectfully.  Don’t burn bridges.

  • Give your all.  Polish, polish, polish and edit, edit, edit.  You should be spending nearly the same amount of time editing as you did writing a piece.  Check and recheck your work for typos, etc.  No one is perfect and sometimes they will slip through, but if you make a list of things to look for and habitually follow it, checking your work will become second nature to you.  Then you’ll hardly ever hand in something less than your best.  If you don’t know how to format your queries and submissions, get on the Internet and find out.  There’s no excuse these days for not learning the rules of the game.

In the writing world, your competition is fierce.  People who are serious about their careers will take the time to learn how to properly present their work and themselves.  Your messy, misspelled and smudgy letter or submission might stand out, but not the way you wanted.  The inappropriate clothing you wore to lunch with your agent or client (and you were late, too) tells him or her you don’t have it together.  Who wants to work with someone like that?

Please share any other rules I might have left out in the comments.

Ambition: Why I Would Kill to Be Published!

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I have begun a blog challenge!  arlee bird at tossing it out has challenged bloggers to write a post a day, except Sundays, through the month of April.  Each post will begin with a letter of the alphabet, in order from A to Z.

I wasn’t sure what to write for today.   A chat friend of mine suggested this post’s title in a moment of levity and I had nothing else, so I went with it.  I don’t think I ever really thought about this.  I just assumed that if I were going to be a writer, eventually I would publish.  Why do it if no one is going to read it?  There are people who write purely for their own enjoyment, or for a very small, select group of readers, but why beat your head against the brick wall of publishing for what could be a small return in terms of money, time and recognition?

These might be some reasons.  Are they mine?

  • Money.  If you want to get rich writing, it doesn’t generally happen.  I hear tell you can make a living at it though, and that would be fine for me.  A bestseller would be nice (or a string of them!), but I think I’d rather be comfortable than dripping with wealth.  If it happens, I’m not going to say no.  Realistically, I’m not expecting it.
  • Prestige and/or credits.  Being published is an accomplishment.  For fiction writers, it can be terribly difficult to break in.  Technical experts who do pieces for trade magazines, freelance article and content writers and copywriters have a ready market for their work, if they take the time to network and seek clients.  Fiction is subjective.  It has to appeal to a publication’s readers or fit the market up to a year ahead for books, a tough thing to predict.  If you’re trying to write as a career, a published credit is good.  I have almost nothing on my resumé right now and it’s disheartening.

There is a myth that you must be published to get published.  I have heard countless writers say on their blogs that THIS IS NOT TRUE!  Everyone has to begin somewhere, even if it’s an article about cows on the back page of Local Farming Monthly. One science fiction and fantasy writer with a long and impressive list of books published told attendees at VisionCon last year that he started out writing erotica!

  • Attention.  This can be a good or bad thing.  If you’re comfortable doing presentations of your work, or being interviewed or even lecturing on your subject if your research is extensive, then you’ll probably be fine.  If not, you won’t be comfortable with the marketing part of the business.
  • A chance to be heard.  I kind of like this one.  I often feel that no one listens to me and I would love it if people not only read my work but discussed it.  Not diss it, however.  I’d rather not have a book club making fun of me the way some people make fun of Twilight.  Which is fun, by the way.  No, I’m kidding.*

You can avoid this by working obsessively on your craft.  I already covered that in my post Unneccesary Roughness.  Practice and the willingness to learn will never be a waste of time.

  • Love of writing.  Yes, I do love it.  I greatly missed it when I was bogged down in schoolwork.  I like the challenge of creating characters and moving them through their worlds and coming up with things for them to do.  It’s fun to put down my dreams, fantasies and the imaginings I enjoy when stuck in line somewhere or in the doctor’s waiting room.  I’m lucky to be able to articulate them.  I hope you enjoy them; that is, if they are ever published!

I don’t think I would kill to be published—that would be a bit extreme.  The more I learn about the business, the tougher the challenge seems, but the better equipped I feel to meet it.  Thanks to already-published writers out there who are kind enough to share their insights, struggles and advice on craft and the journey to publication, we UNPUBs know better what to expect.  I would especially like to thank Anne Mini, Anne Wayman and Nicola Morgan, aka the Crabbit Old Bat!

If you have any thoughts to share about this subject, please post them in the comments.

*not!