Stuck, and a Revelation

I’m still alive!

New Job is going okay. It’s basically the same thing I was doing at Exjob, just a little less organized (ugh!) but a little better paid. My business unit is not in the same city, and I don’t work on local projects the way I did there, which leaves me feeling a little bit disconnected from the people in my physical office. But everyone seems nice.

My other knee has decided it wasn’t getting attention and has rebelled in an unidentified (as of this post) and painful way. I didn’t fall on it as with my right knee (well I did, but that was more than ten years ago, so I don’t think that’s the reason). Physical therapy did not help. I had an MRI yesterday – hopefully, that will shed some light on the situation. I’m guessing I’ll probably need another surgery. It’s a good thing I saved my mobility aid from last time.

A tripod cane stands alone on a wood floor, its strap dangling from the handle.
Bought a cane; blinged it up. As one does.

Photo: Elizabeth West

No, I haven’t finished Book 3 yet. *sigh* Truth be told – I’ve been stuck.

I know how the story will end. The path to that end is meandering through metaphorical forest but not completely lost. I know Ilarrya well enough to take the Martinsburg pahss (if you read Confluence, you know) through it in search of the MacGuffin (Chris).

There is some research I need to do that requires me to walk around outside, and that’s part of the issue. My knee is not in good enough shape to do that right now, especially since it will not! stop! raining! every damn weekend. I think that’s part of what’s holding things up, but not all of it.

Another surprise – not a total one, but quite unexpected. I’ve always been a little weird, and I’ve always struggled with things that seemed to come easily to other people. Well, there’s a reason for that.

I was apparently diagnosed with what was formerly known as Asperger syndrome as a kid, but we have no record of it, and no one ever said anything (in the ’70s, nobody knew what that meant anyway). The new job, being less organized than the old one and the source of some difficult adjustment, prompted some inquiries. When I was finally told, it made SO MUCH SENSE.

So, I got retested. The doctor explained what my results meant and officially confirmed the diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder (ASD) Level 1 (plus social anxiety for more funsies — whee!). It’s actually quite cool. I have words now to describe my experiences and can figure out what support and accommodations I need. This is even better than when I found out I had dyscalculia. Yay, diagnosis!

Brunette woman in a black shirt gives a happy thumbs up. A caption below her says "Welcome to me"

My work is very supportive of neurodivergent employees. We have a disability/ND employee network, and I already have a temporary accommodation for my own desk because hotdesking freaks me the fuck out. Now it can be permanent. Which is cool, because I already put granola bars and a sweater and stuff in the desk, ha ha.

Before you ask, I’m not the least bit afraid of the current regime. RFK Jr. swims in raw sewage; what does he know, and Dump Truck is proving to be even more of an incompetent boob than last time. I’ve survived worse than them and will again. The focus now is on people who are more vulnerable than I am, as yours should be.

Side-by-side pictures of a blonde woman, staring fiercely into the camera and in a red coat looking off into the distance.
Be like June Osborne. Well, except maybe for the murder-y part.

Image: Hulu/Express

None of this is an excuse for why my writing is going so slowly, mind you. It’s better described as a distraction. I spent my half hour in the open MRI machine thinking about the story and how to move my characters further along toward their goal, and I’ve just spent a couple of hours today working. The stuck parts are starting to feel a little less gummy. My current goal is simply to finish.

One step (lol) at a time.

My Freaking Job Laid Me Off

Yes, unfortunately, you read that right.

This was not about anything I did, and I wasn’t the only one it happened to. I’m trying to be positive about it, y’all, but it absolutely sucks.

Pic of the emoji with a straight mouth and closed eyes, the one you use when something is so stupid you can't even.
This emoji.

I liked this job, and it paid enough for me to live here without worrying overtly about whether I could live here. Thanks to the Biden administration’s student loan forgiveness program (before SCROTUS canned it), I actually found myself with extra in my bank account.

I seriously lucked out finding my apartment from 1200 miles away, getting it in April and not August/Sept (typical apartment turnover time here because of all the universities), and having it right next to a bus stop with free, off-street parking (this right here is GOLD in Boston). Not to mention, I only pay for electricity and it’s so small it’s cheaper to heat and cool, much more than my drafty old albatross of a house.

A round-leafed cactus with bell-shaped pink flowers sits on a wide windowsill next to a window covered in bubble wrap to retain heat. Next to it is a round carved stone owl with yellow eyes and a tiny metal toy horse.
Easter cactus my neighbor gave me. Dresses up the place.

The work did not impact my LD and tasks I have difficulty with other than my timesheet and planning how long it would take to do certain things. I could work from home, go into the office three days a week to have my own desk, and I liked all my coworkers. It’s the only place I’ve ever been laid off from that I would go back to.

Thanks to budget cuts, now I have to start all over again. Much like the 2016 401K rollover from Exjob and the 2019 payout from the sale of my Missouri house, both of which long-term unemployment and Covid completely devoured, the extra in my account is not going to last long here. I have to find something good, and fast. As much as I love Boston, like all cities in this white supremacist, corporate oligarchical country, officials would rather harass and displace unhoused folks instead of addressing the issues that caused them to be unhoused in the first damn place. I do not wish to join them.

WBZ CBS News Boston arial screenshot of tents belonging to unhoused people at Massachusetts Avenue and Melnea Cass Boulevard in Boston, Massachusetts.
WBZ CBS News Boston arial screenshot of tents belonging to unhoused people at Massachusetts Avenue and Melnea Cass Boulevard in Boston, Massachusetts.

I know Boston is bigger than OldCity and NewerOldCity, and there are more jobs here, and unemployment in the state is low. But I’m still limited in what I can do because of my stupid LD.

We’re fortunate this state has a better support system than Missouri, which will be critical because of a potentially serious health issue. I’m not going into it now — I don’t have any information yet, or if it’s even a thing, pending a medical test. I’ve applied for MassHealth and, should I be approved, it will kick in when my employer-controlled insurance expires at the end of the month, before the medical test is scheduled.

Donald Trump, asshole supreme, looks into the camera with a self-satisfied smile while having dinner with Mitt Romney in 2016. Mitt is at right, his head turned and gives the photographer a very sheepish look.
I never thought I’d have anything to thank that suck-up Mitt Romney for, but here we are.

Am I whining? Yes.

Am I justified in whining? YES.

Am I going back to Missouri?  ABSOLUTELY NOT. I swore when I moved that this was it; I wasn’t going to move more than 20 miles again regardless of what happened. Besides, I like it here. There’s stuff to do, a lot of it free, and public transportation is a big plus. It’s by the sea, it’s packed with American history, AND there’s an Alamo Drafthouse. I decided I am going to see Deadpool & Wolverine anyway, although I might go to a regular theater instead so I won’t be tempted to spend $40 on food. Matinee tickets are usually cheaper.

And there’s this hilariousness (on the Green Line):

I don’t know why that’s so funny. It just is.

So I have to put my ass back out there. I will line up references — coworker said she would give me one, I have one in perpetuity from Toxic OldExJob, and my boss said she would give me a good one if anyone asks her. For what it’s worth, she did not look happy about the situation either.

Yesterday, I was numb. Today I’m angry and sad, and I feel like someone just broke up with me. (Also feeling mega petty—don’t expect me to be nice today.) I have to feel those feelings, and I’m going to indulge them for a short time. The rest of this week is not going to be good for much more than navigating the onerous bureaucracy of social support services.


I guess I have time to finish Book 3 now. But THIS IS NOT HOW I WANTED TO DO IT.

Here’s a start:

“It isn’t every day you travel through an engineered wormhole into another universe.”  
The imaginary documentary host in Hannah’s head, with her calm demeanor, perfectly coiffed hair, and ruffled blouse, brought to mind an unflappable elementary school teacher from some ancient 1980s sitcom. She turned to the old-fashioned green chalkboard behind her. Her cool voice continued, “Let’s examine this a bit more closely.”
The woman stretched a perfectly manicured hand above her head and pulled a large roller map down in front of the chalkboard. It showed nothing but a white square surrounded by blue ocean, a compass rose at top right. Ornate letters in the center of the square spelled out one word: 
UNKNOWN.

Updates: Why I’m Not Doing NaNoWriMo This Year

I wanted to! I really did.

If you’ve been here through my other NaNos, you know I use it to finish things. I was hoping to do this with Book 3. It’s going very slowly thanks to my knee injury, which has impacted my ability to sleep peacefully through a whole night without waking up going “Ow ow ow” as my leg ended up in awkward and painful positions.

A man dressed in a red soccer uniform writhes in pain while clutching his leg on a green athletic field.
Like this, only the other leg and in my bed.

Image by shauking from Pixabay

In fact, I’m posting now from my sofa, where I’m on PTO after having an arthroscopic meniscectomy (knee cartilage repair surgery) this very morning. According to my orthopedist, the tear was bad enough that PT or cortisone was not going to cut it. I’ve been using a cane blinged up with little rhinestones (heh heh) for a few months now. As I did not wish for continued pain and the potential of a locked knee while I’m trying to, ya know, walk, I opted to just get it over with.

The pain block is working (so far), and I have a prescription for later when it wears off. I might not even need it — we’ll see.

I bought this SpongeBob shirt and completely forgot to wear it to the surgery.

Image: Mademark via Amazon

It’s perfect for my first physical therapy appointment — if they ask me if I’m in pain, I can just point to Fred the Fish yelling “MY LEG!” and let him do the talking for me!

I’m hoping to get some work done during this interval, and the four-day Thanksgiving weekend is peeking around the corner. More writing time without the stress of unemployment is always a good thing. If you read Confluence, you know about Ilarrya — you’ll get to know Brinn’s world better in Book 3.

My goal is to have the book come out by next summer. When that happens, I plan to explore those other distribution options, especially if they let me offer the trilogy as a set with a little discount.

In the meantime, my books took a little trip to the central library in Copley Square for the Boston Book Festival a few weeks ago, where I took the marketing photo below. This building is well worth a peek if you’re ever in the city; the artwork and architecture are both spectacular. It’s not super far from Boston Common — downtown is very walkable.

They may not be in it (yet!), but at least they’re on it!

I traded Tunerville for Aoibh Wood’s Blood Rituals, the first in her series of paranormal romance novels set here in Boston. Her book looks great, and it’s next on the TBR pile. I’d also hoped to see Max Miller of YouTube’s Tasting History at the festival but the line was insanely long and the room in the Old South Church had unfortunately reached capacity by the time I arrived. If you haven’t seen that channel, go check it out right now. It’s wonderful!

I’ll leave you with that since I may need a nap soon. Life just loves to throw curve balls at you — let’s hope this is the last one for a while. Thanks for being patient with me, y’all.

JanNoWriMo 2021 – Day 1

I just realized I forgot ALL ABOUT THIS (see previous post, the Bad section).

My progress will be slow due to the need to study for that exam. But I just opened a new project in my SmartEdit Writer program, and I have 1,961 words already, mostly from jotting down bits of scenes and dialogue here and there.

Plus, I also wrote some that I thought about putting in Confluence but realized they’d fit better in a third book, and I saved them. I wasn’t going to give myself a word count target; however, the program has set it up at 20,000.

Hey wait a minute, I have 1,961 words already, I SWEAR.

That gives me a 645-word target per day. I can probably manage that. Even if I get behind, I should be able to catch up. A good writing session for me can hit 2,000-plus words easily.

This one’s going to take a while, folks. I don’t have a title for Book 3 yet, but we’re off and running! I’ve dropped a small meter in the sidebar at the right of the home page. I’ll post weekly updates (not daily) because I’m busy.