Hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving holiday. Me, not so much.
Traditionally, I get a cold between Turkey Day and Christmas. This year, it showed up two days before the holiday. I spent the last four days wishing I had enough energy to clean the house and put up the tree.
But being sick doesn’t have to be miserable or boring. Here are six things to do when you’re feeling puny.
Update your computer
Don’t you hate those update balloons that pop up when you log in? Or the numerous anti-virus, spyware and malware detector scans that take up so much time and memory? Well, now’s the perfect time to get them going, since you’re too fuzzy to do any work on the thing anyway. Just open them up and let them run while you take a nap!
When you’re sick, your mind can’t comprehend things like reality shows or the news. Watching fake-tanned idiots scream at each other or depressing economic stories will only tax your poor, befuddled brain. Escape into the wonderful world of cartoons! Spongebob’s colorful images, silly storylines and brainless comedy are all much better when you’re stoned on over-the-counter meds.
Daytime television is a great sleep aid if you’re too dizzy for the cartoons but need something to break the eerie silence that pervades your house on a weekday. Soaps (who are those people and why are they hanging off a cliff?), court shows, and endless commercials for diploma mills and car insurance will knock you right out.
Eat kid food
If you’re lucky enough to have someone taking care of you, they can make you easy-to-digest foods like chicken noodle soup, toast or grilled cheese sandwiches, the way your mother did. If you’re on your own these are fast and easy to prepare, so you won’t have to stand up for too long. Never mind the health regimen; you need comfort food! Sip a little Coke or have a prepackaged Lunchable with the little crackers. Pick them up on the way home from work, when you know you’re going to spend the next three days horizontal.
Surf the Internet
Most people have laptops and wireless routers now. You can get a tilt-table laptop cart at Walmart that will allow you to lie on the couch and use the computer. Since you’re not at work, you can read all the sites your IT department blocks.
Alternatively, you could play video games if you’re up to it. You can finally play uninterrupted while everyone else is gone, and you don’t have to hide Grand Theft Auto XI: Kill and Maim from the kids.
Mess with people
If you’ve lost your voice, you can call your nerd buddies and pretend to be Gollum. Ask them things like “What’s taters, precious?” and say “Stupid fat hobbit!” before hanging up. They’ll think it’s funny, honest.
Call your boss and croak, “I feel better…I’ve only been to the bathroom six times in the last hour; are you SURE you don’t want me to come in?”
Rub your head with a dry towel and make your unwashed hair stand on end. Wear your crappiest pajamas, an old tattered robe and if you’re a man, forget about shaving. You probably won’t feel like it anyway. Answer the door like this when you hear the mailman come, making sure to cough and sneeze violently. Watch him fall off the step trying to get away from you.
You’re too sick to work but not sick enough to sleep or you’ve been getting better and now you’re bored. Make a sculpture from toothpicks and glue. Steal your kid’s coloring books and crayons and create a masterpiece to hang on the refrigerator. Carve animals out of soap. Do origami. Make paper airplanes and shoot them at the dog. Spend an hour with a treat trying to get him out from under the bed and de-traumatized before your family gets home.
What’s your favorite thing to do when you’re sick? Please share in the comments!